Feeds

Online ejaculation pole: shock result revealed

And the stroke average is...

Eight steps to building an HP BladeSystem

NSFW Last September we ran a shamelessly non-IT-related piece on UK sex toy e-tailer LoveHoney's online ejaculation pole* - a frankly preposterous survey of how many strokes it took Linux programmers to achieve explosive climax when indulging in a quick five-knuckle shuffle while perusing a Natalie Portman topless sunbathing snaps website.

Well, the results are in and - although we really are ashamed of ourselves in giving this filth even more coverage - the average level of spam javelin worrying it takes the average male to go bang is...

No, that would spoil the fun. Click here to get the full low-down, including the sensational revelation that left-handers can blow their load a full two strokes sooner then their right-handed counterparts - thereby allowing them vital extra time to enjoy post-monocoital pizza.

One thing remains - we now demand that LoveHoney conduct a poll for women to establish once and for all how much petting the pink taco it takes for the earth to move. Get to it.®

Bootnote

*No emails please - we know how poll is spelt.

Boost IT visibility and business value

More from The Register

next story
Motorist 'thought car had caught fire' as Adele track came on stereo
'FIRE' caption on dashboard prompts dunderheaded hard shoulder halt
Delaware pair nabbed for getting saucy atop Mexican eatery
Burrito meets soft taco in alleged rooftop romp outrage
Japanese artist cuffed for disseminating 3D ladyparts files
Printable genitalia fall foul of 'obscene material' laws
Carlos: Slim your working week to just three days of toil
'Midas World' vision suggests you retire later, watch more tellie and buy more stuff
Brit Rockall adventurer poised to quit islet
Occupation records broken, champagne corks popped
Accused! Yahoo! exec! SUES! her! accuser!, says! sex! harassment! never! happened!
Allegations were for 'financial gain', countersuit claims
Yahoo! Japan! launches! service! for! the! dead!
If you're reading this email, I am no longer alive
Plucky Rockall podule man back on (proper) dry land
Bold, barmy Brit adventurer Nick Hancock escapes North Atlantic islet
prev story

Whitepapers

Seven Steps to Software Security
Seven practical steps you can begin to take today to secure your applications and prevent the damages a successful cyber-attack can cause.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
Designing a Defense for Mobile Applications
Learn about the various considerations for defending mobile applications - from the application architecture itself to the myriad testing technologies.
Build a business case: developing custom apps
Learn how to maximize the value of custom applications by accelerating and simplifying their development.
Consolidation: the foundation for IT and business transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.