Feeds

Click here to learn the net's true purpose

Revealed: the awe-inspiring Bounceometer

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

NSFW If you've ever wondered, as we have, just exactly what the internet is for, then prepare your mind for true enlightenment.

Ready? Good - now proceed directly here and follow the on-screen instructions.

We rest our case. It's fair to suggest that the whole of human scientific endeavour has been leading to this point:

The bounceometer: the net's true purpose

We feel the English language is simply inadequate for the purpose of describing the Bounceometer in the terms it so richly deserves. Let it be recorded that in 2006 a strategy boutique brainstorm at a sports bra manufacturer produced the following conversation:

Boutiquist 1: The problem we have is how to demonstrate to women what their breasts look like when they're horse riding as an incentive to buy our splendid sports bras.
Boutiquist 2: Hmmm. Maybe we could have an animated gif of a water-filled balloon wobbling?
Boutiquist 1: Nah.
Boutiquist 2: Ok then, two jellies on plates on the top of a washing machine...
Boutiquist 1: Nah - wait. Try this: an interactive Flash experience where ladies can choose their bust size and level of activity...
Boutiquist 2: ...leading to a musical animation showing breasts bouncing...
Boutiquist 1: ...with naked breasts compared with breasts in normal bras and our splendid sports bras...
Boutiquist 2: Jesus, we could even have side-on views of breasts and wire-model breasts to demonstrate the physics of the unrestrained breast bounce...
Boutiquist 1: It's genius. We're going to be rich!

Yes it is - and yes you are. We salute you. ®

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

More from The Register

next story
Facebook pays INFINITELY MORE UK corp tax than in 2012
Thanks for the £3k, Zuck. Doh! you're IN CREDIT. Guess not
DOUBLE BONK: Testy fanbois catch Apple Pay picking pockets
Users wail as tapcash transactions are duplicated
Happiness economics is bollocks. Oh, UK.gov just adopted it? Er ...
Opportunity doesn't knock; it costs us instead
Google Glassholes are UNDATEABLE – HP exec
You need an emotional connection, says touchy-feely MD... We can do that
YARR! Pirates walk the plank: DMCA magnets sink in Google results
Spaffing copyrighted stuff over the web? No search ranking for you
In the next four weeks, 100 people will decide the future of the web
While America tucks into Thanksgiving turkey, the world will be taking over the net
prev story

Whitepapers

Choosing cloud Backup services
Demystify how you can address your data protection needs in your small- to medium-sized business and select the best online backup service to meet your needs.
Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.