Feeds

Click here to learn the net's true purpose

Revealed: the awe-inspiring Bounceometer

Top three mobile application threats

NSFW If you've ever wondered, as we have, just exactly what the internet is for, then prepare your mind for true enlightenment.

Ready? Good - now proceed directly here and follow the on-screen instructions.

We rest our case. It's fair to suggest that the whole of human scientific endeavour has been leading to this point:

The bounceometer: the net's true purpose

We feel the English language is simply inadequate for the purpose of describing the Bounceometer in the terms it so richly deserves. Let it be recorded that in 2006 a strategy boutique brainstorm at a sports bra manufacturer produced the following conversation:

Boutiquist 1: The problem we have is how to demonstrate to women what their breasts look like when they're horse riding as an incentive to buy our splendid sports bras.
Boutiquist 2: Hmmm. Maybe we could have an animated gif of a water-filled balloon wobbling?
Boutiquist 1: Nah.
Boutiquist 2: Ok then, two jellies on plates on the top of a washing machine...
Boutiquist 1: Nah - wait. Try this: an interactive Flash experience where ladies can choose their bust size and level of activity...
Boutiquist 2: ...leading to a musical animation showing breasts bouncing...
Boutiquist 1: ...with naked breasts compared with breasts in normal bras and our splendid sports bras...
Boutiquist 2: Jesus, we could even have side-on views of breasts and wire-model breasts to demonstrate the physics of the unrestrained breast bounce...
Boutiquist 1: It's genius. We're going to be rich!

Yes it is - and yes you are. We salute you. ®

The Essential Guide to IT Transformation

More from The Register

next story
BBC goes offline in MASSIVE COCKUP: Stephen Fry partly muzzled
Auntie tight-lipped as major outage rolls on
iPad? More like iFAD: We reveal why Apple ran off to IBM
But never fear fanbois, you're still lapping up iPhones, Macs
Nadella: Apps must run on ALL WINDOWS – PCs, slabs and mobes
Phone egg, meet desktop chicken - your mother
HP, Microsoft prove it again: Big Business doesn't create jobs
SMEs get lip service - what they need is dinner at the Club
ITC: Seagate and LSI can infringe Realtek patents because Realtek isn't in the US
Land of the (get off scot) free, when it's a foreign owner
Samsung threatens to cut ties with supplier over child labour allegations
Vows to uphold 'zero tolerance' policy on underage workers
Dude, you're getting a Dell – with BITCOIN: IT giant slurps cryptocash
1. Buy PC with Bitcoin. 2. Mine more coins. 3. Goto step 1
There's NOTHING on TV in Europe – American video DOMINATES
Even France's mega subsidies don't stop US content onslaught
You! Pirate! Stop pirating, or we shall admonish you politely. Repeatedly, if necessary
And we shall go about telling people you smell. No, not really
prev story

Whitepapers

Seven Steps to Software Security
Seven practical steps you can begin to take today to secure your applications and prevent the damages a successful cyber-attack can cause.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
Designing a Defense for Mobile Applications
Learn about the various considerations for defending mobile applications - from the application architecture itself to the myriad testing technologies.
Build a business case: developing custom apps
Learn how to maximize the value of custom applications by accelerating and simplifying their development.
Consolidation: the foundation for IT and business transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.