Feeds

Click here to learn the net's true purpose

Revealed: the awe-inspiring Bounceometer

Build a business case: developing custom apps

NSFW If you've ever wondered, as we have, just exactly what the internet is for, then prepare your mind for true enlightenment.

Ready? Good - now proceed directly here and follow the on-screen instructions.

We rest our case. It's fair to suggest that the whole of human scientific endeavour has been leading to this point:

The bounceometer: the net's true purpose

We feel the English language is simply inadequate for the purpose of describing the Bounceometer in the terms it so richly deserves. Let it be recorded that in 2006 a strategy boutique brainstorm at a sports bra manufacturer produced the following conversation:

Boutiquist 1: The problem we have is how to demonstrate to women what their breasts look like when they're horse riding as an incentive to buy our splendid sports bras.
Boutiquist 2: Hmmm. Maybe we could have an animated gif of a water-filled balloon wobbling?
Boutiquist 1: Nah.
Boutiquist 2: Ok then, two jellies on plates on the top of a washing machine...
Boutiquist 1: Nah - wait. Try this: an interactive Flash experience where ladies can choose their bust size and level of activity...
Boutiquist 2: ...leading to a musical animation showing breasts bouncing...
Boutiquist 1: ...with naked breasts compared with breasts in normal bras and our splendid sports bras...
Boutiquist 2: Jesus, we could even have side-on views of breasts and wire-model breasts to demonstrate the physics of the unrestrained breast bounce...
Boutiquist 1: It's genius. We're going to be rich!

Yes it is - and yes you are. We salute you. ®

A new approach to endpoint data protection

More from The Register

next story
Amazon says Hachette should lower ebook prices, pay authors more
Oh yeah ... and a 30% cut for Amazon to seal the deal
Philip K Dick 'Nazi alternate reality' story to be made into TV series
Amazon Studios, Ridley Scott firm to produce The Man in the High Castle
Nintend-OH NO! Sorry, Mario – your profits are in another castle
Red-hatted mascot, red-colored logo, red-stained finance books
Sonos AXES support for Apple's iOS4 and 5
Want to use your iThing? You can't - it's too old
Joe Average isn't worth $10 a year to Mark Zuckerberg
The Social Network deflates the PC resurgence with mobile-only usage prediction
Feel free to BONK on the TUBE, says Transport for London
Plus: Almost NOBODY uses pay-by-bonk on buses - Visa
Twitch rich as Google flicks $1bn hitch switch, claims snitch
Gameplay streaming biz and search king refuse to deny fresh gobble rumors
Stick a 4K in them: Super high-res TVs are DONE
4,000 pixels is niche now... Don't say we didn't warn you
prev story

Whitepapers

7 Elements of Radically Simple OS Migration
Avoid the typical headaches of OS migration during your next project by learning about 7 elements of radically simple OS migration.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
Solving today's distributed Big Data backup challenges
Enable IT efficiency and allow a firm to access and reuse corporate information for competitive advantage, ultimately changing business outcomes.
A new approach to endpoint data protection
What is the best way to ensure comprehensive visibility, management, and control of information on both company-owned and employee-owned devices?