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Click here to learn the net's true purpose

Revealed: the awe-inspiring Bounceometer

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

NSFW If you've ever wondered, as we have, just exactly what the internet is for, then prepare your mind for true enlightenment.

Ready? Good - now proceed directly here and follow the on-screen instructions.

We rest our case. It's fair to suggest that the whole of human scientific endeavour has been leading to this point:

The bounceometer: the net's true purpose

We feel the English language is simply inadequate for the purpose of describing the Bounceometer in the terms it so richly deserves. Let it be recorded that in 2006 a strategy boutique brainstorm at a sports bra manufacturer produced the following conversation:

Boutiquist 1: The problem we have is how to demonstrate to women what their breasts look like when they're horse riding as an incentive to buy our splendid sports bras.
Boutiquist 2: Hmmm. Maybe we could have an animated gif of a water-filled balloon wobbling?
Boutiquist 1: Nah.
Boutiquist 2: Ok then, two jellies on plates on the top of a washing machine...
Boutiquist 1: Nah - wait. Try this: an interactive Flash experience where ladies can choose their bust size and level of activity...
Boutiquist 2: ...leading to a musical animation showing breasts bouncing...
Boutiquist 1: ...with naked breasts compared with breasts in normal bras and our splendid sports bras...
Boutiquist 2: Jesus, we could even have side-on views of breasts and wire-model breasts to demonstrate the physics of the unrestrained breast bounce...
Boutiquist 1: It's genius. We're going to be rich!

Yes it is - and yes you are. We salute you. ®

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