Click here to learn the net's true purpose
Revealed: the awe-inspiring Bounceometer
NSFW If you've ever wondered, as we have, just exactly what the internet is for, then prepare your mind for true enlightenment.
Ready? Good - now proceed directly here and follow the on-screen instructions.
We rest our case. It's fair to suggest that the whole of human scientific endeavour has been leading to this point:
We feel the English language is simply inadequate for the purpose of describing the Bounceometer in the terms it so richly deserves. Let it be recorded that in 2006 a strategy boutique brainstorm at a sports bra manufacturer produced the following conversation:
Boutiquist 1: The problem we have is how to demonstrate to women what their breasts look like when they're horse riding as an incentive to buy our splendid sports bras.
Boutiquist 2: Hmmm. Maybe we could have an animated gif of a water-filled balloon wobbling?
Boutiquist 1: Nah.
Boutiquist 2: Ok then, two jellies on plates on the top of a washing machine...
Boutiquist 1: Nah - wait. Try this: an interactive Flash experience where ladies can choose their bust size and level of activity...
Boutiquist 2: ...leading to a musical animation showing breasts bouncing...
Boutiquist 1: ...with naked breasts compared with breasts in normal bras and our splendid sports bras...
Boutiquist 2: Jesus, we could even have side-on views of breasts and wire-model breasts to demonstrate the physics of the unrestrained breast bounce...
Boutiquist 1: It's genius. We're going to be rich!
Yes it is - and yes you are. We salute you. ®
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