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Mum's a junkie whore and dad got devoured

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What do Nigeria and Manchester have in common - apart from war-ravaged areas where armed gangs battle for control of the local resources*? Well, according to the latest email to pop into the Vulture Central advance fee fraud inbox, it's a very tenuous command of the English language:

I am Tony Fred Williams I am 14 years old I live in Manchester(UK) before my father die, now I live with my mother in Scotland. my father is from Manchester (UK) and my mother is from Scotland. my late father Mr. Fred Williams was a Contractor in Manchester(UK) before he die in a car accident last years July 25th 2005. he left £50Million (Fifty Million Pounds) in his account before he die. The £50Million is in (First Union National Bank UK) I have been trying to collect the money from (First Union National Bank UK) but the MD CEO told me to go and look for some body that is honest and old enough to help me collect the money.

I could have tell my mother to assist me to collect the £50Million for me but my mother and father got devoured before my father die and my father told me to not have anything to do with my mother I don’t even want her to know because what my father told me before he die was true, now that I stay with my mother in Scotland she don’t even have time for me all she do is to take hard drugs and to bring men to the house and she also hit me all the time.

I don’t want to have anything to do with her, I just want some body that is old enough and honest to help me collect the £50Million from the bank as I am too young to take care of £50Million. Please I need your help if you can assist me to collect the £50Million from the bank I will give you 40% and take 60%. I have all documentation on my name you can confirm from the bank. i am the indeed benefited Next of Kin to my late father Mr. Fred Williams. The MD CEO (First Union National Bank UK) told me to look for some body that is honest and old enough so that he can send the £50Million to the person account immediately.

If you can help me i will contact the MD CEO (First Union National Bank UK) and tell him that i have found a honest person who want to help me collect the £50Million. so when you contact him he will know i sent you.

I will give you is contact so that you can contact him to enable him send the £50Million to your provided account immediately Please help me. I will be waiting for your urgent reply so i can give you the contact of the bank and send you the last statement of account of my late father and i will also send you my picture and my birth certificate. Please Help me reply back on my private email: tonyfw2@mail.md so i can send you all information you need.

Best Regards Tony Fred Williams

Bless. The Lads from Lagos are to be commended for this tale of human misery on an almost Dickensian scale, if not for the delivery. Still, there are some nice touches in there - and the Moldovan email address adds a bit of international spice. We can only hope that young Tony finds someone honest enough to pocket 20 million quid just for walking into a bank. Sounds too good to be true... ®

Bootnote

Thanks to Mark Bycroft for the tip-off.

*Oh yes - that's oil in Nigeria and crack cocaine in Manchester, in case you were wondering.

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