Feeds

Couple microwave urine-filled fake penis

Attempted drugs test fraud ends in court

Security for virtualized datacentres

Here's a cautionary tale if you're a woman planning to use a fake penis filled with someone else's urine to pass a drugs test as part of a job application: don't take it to the local convenience store and ask the clerk to microwave it "so the urine inside would be body-temperature and fool those giving the drug test".

So now you know, thanks to Leslye Creighton, 41, of Wilkinsburg, and Vincent Bostic, 31, of Pittsburgh, who were cited last Friday for "criminal mischief and disorderly conduct in the 23 February incident at the Get Go! gasoline and convenience store in McKeesport, about 10 miles east of Pittsburgh", the Washington Post reports.

According to the quite remarkable account of the attempted fraud, Police Chief Joseph Pero explained that, "Bostic had filled a fake penis with his urine that Creighton, a friend, planned to use to pass a drug test she was taking to get a job".

Police aren't exactly sure "why or how Creighton chose to use a device that mimics the male sex organ to pass her drug test", but are pretty certain that the attempted member-warming rendered the microwave subsequently unusable because it "couldn't be used for food once bodily fluids were cooked inside it".

Hence the criminal mischief charge - based on a "criminal intent to damage the microwave" - of which defense attorney William Difenderfer said his clients had no such intent and were prepared to reimburse the store for the loss of the machine.

Difenderfer said: "I certainly understand the ramifications and I'm certainly not saying it wasn't a stupid thing to do. But there's a lot of bizarre stuff that we don't always have a remedy for in the crimes code."

If convicted, the pair face up to 90 days' chockey and a $300 maximum fine on each charge. The Washington Post is rather disappointingly unable to clarify "what kind of job the woman applied for, or whether she was hired". ®

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

More from The Register

next story
Boffins who stare at goats: I do believe they’re SHRINKING
Alpine chamois being squashed by global warming
Facebook's Zuckerberg in EBOLA VIRUS FIGHT: Billionaire battles bug
US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention contacted as site supremo coughs up
Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future
We feel obliged to point out the headline statement is total, utter cobblers
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers
Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants
Baaaaaa! Fanny's Farm's woolly flock is high, maaaaaan
Adorkable overshare of words like photobomb in this year's dictionaries
And hipsters are finally defined as self-loathing. Sort of
prev story

Whitepapers

Cloud and hybrid-cloud data protection for VMware
Learn how quick and easy it is to configure backups and perform restores for VMware environments.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Three 1TB solid state scorchers up for grabs
Big SSDs can be expensive but think big and think free because you could be the lucky winner of one of three 1TB Samsung SSD 840 EVO drives that we’re giving away worth over £300 apiece.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.