Feeds

Here's Europe's solution to global warming

Siesta!

Security for virtualized datacentres

Summary of the opening speech by Janez POTOČNIK, European Commissioner for Science and Research, at the International Symposium on Climate Change, Brussels, 2 February:

There's no ignoring it. There's less ice, more disasters and more dead people. It's our fault for polluting the environ and we had better watch it because it's going to come back and bite us on the proverbial ass.

But what do we care? What the hell do we know, anyway? The weather's hotter than it's ever been and angrier too. Yet people are saying, how did this happen? Wasn't me! Show me some proof.

We'll get used to it though because it's going to get so hot that the whole of Europe will be on one great siesta for three hours every afternoon. Our economies might collapse, but who gives a shit when the sun is shining?

Of course, we must be responsible. It's expected of us. We will at least try and give the appearance that rather than spending all those extra ours in the sack we are giving genuine thought to that little problem about the end of the world.

Science will come to the rescue. Like a cunning crime fighter, it always manages to get us out of the frying pan in the last minute before the oil gets too hot.

Just to put you at ease, I'll tell you about some of our great scientific hopes. One project we have funded involves watching the ice-caps melt. Just in case anyone else needs any more proof. But also because there's a close correlation between the way we do our scientific research in Europe and the way we formulate our policy.

And we are taking a genuine interest in Africa for a change because they might be able to teach us a thing or two about coping with drought and famine. Heck, we may even kill two birds with one stone.

So we've got some talking shops and toothless international agreements to do something about this as well. But don't rest on your laurels, because it's all too late. Climate change is coming ready or not.

So we're going to fund some more scientific research because that's what George says is the only way we can deal with climate change: keep guzzlin' so the oil companies have money to spend on scientific research.

Our next round of research funding is going to find even more innovative ways to monitor the earth's decline. When the funding round is complete in 2010, the scientists have finished their research, the findings have been verified by peer review, and the breakthroughs have been turned into usable technologies, we will be able to tell you to within half a metre just how deep the water is under your houseboat.

Enjoy the conference! ®

The speech in full can be found here.

Security for virtualized datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Boffins say they've got Lithium batteries the wrong way around
Surprises at the nano-scale mean our ideas about how they charge could be all wrong
Thought that last dinosaur was BIG? This one's bloody ENORMOUS
Weighed several adult elephants, contend boffins
Europe prepares to INVADE comet: Rosetta landing site chosen
No word yet on whether backup site is labelled 'K'
City hidden beneath England's Stonehenge had HUMAN ABATTOIR. And a pub
Boozed-up ancients drank beer before tearing corpses apart
'Duck face' selfie in SPAAAACE: Rosetta's snap with bird comet
Probe prepares to make first landing on fast-moving rock
Archaeologists and robots on hunt for more Antikythera pieces
How much of the world's oldest computer can they find?
prev story

Whitepapers

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops
Balancing user privacy and privileged access, in accordance with compliance frameworks and legislation. Evaluating any potential remote control choice.
Saudi Petroleum chooses Tegile storage solution
A storage solution that addresses company growth and performance for business-critical applications of caseware archive and search along with other key operational systems.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk
A single remote control platform for user support is be key to providing an efficient helpdesk. Retain full control over the way in which screen and keystroke data is transmitted.