Feeds

Wally rescue team faces £300 parking fines

The terrible price of compassion

Gartner critical capabilities for enterprise endpoint backup

BUNGLING, heartless traffic wardens slapped £300 worth of FINES onto marine RESCUERS while they battled for DAYS to rescue tragic whale WALLY from the icy THAMES, we can almost exclusively reveal.

Sorry - we should explain. That's how UK tabloid The Sun will doubtless report the news that BUNGLING, heartless traffic wardens slapped £300 worth of FINES onto marine RESCUERS while they battled for DAYS to rescue tragic WALLY from the icy THAMES.

Yup, it's true. In their rush to save the bottle-nosed whale over the weekend, members of the British Divers Marine Rescue Group simply parked their cars on meters next to Vauxhall Bridge, the Beeb reports. They didn't get back til Sunday night, by which time the predatory attack wardens had moved in for the kill.

The group's chairman, Alan Knight, lamented: "It upsets me a bit that we are facing over £300 worth of bills. I guess they have got a job to do. However, all of our cars have 'marine ambulance' on the side or 'marine medics'... and I would have hoped they would have given us the benefit of the doubt."

No chance. The rescuers now face a £5k bill for their failed operation, although The Sun has started a £10k online campaign to save the whale's bones for scientific research. Reports that any surplus will be invested in a memorial fountain for Wallys everywhere is unconfirmed.

Well, we're sure readers will join us in offering our sympathies to the rescue team in its hour of financial need. Indeed, we at Vulture Central would like to help out by offering a fundraising suggestion: sell the whale meat to the Japanese Embassy* and then flog the bones to The Sun. The inhabitants of the former are not as sentimental about whales as we Brits, and the latter is absolutely loaded. Go to it. ®

Bootnotes

*If that fails, try the Norwegians. Neither nation gave up much news time to Wally's plight, as the Sunday Times notes.

Next gen security for virtualised datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD
'Officers were unable to determine Chicken's intent'
Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!
Put it away boys. Cover them up ladies. Your credit cards, we mean
Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?
Local UK gov outs most ridiculous FoI requests...
Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'
US court hears of cached browser image - not actual request
Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people
They're a future source of RENEWABLE ENERGY
Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty
Sales of traditional brekkie foods soar as hungry folk get their mitts greasy
Nuts to your poncey hipster coffees, I want a TESLA ELECTRO-CAFE
Examining the frothy disconnect in indie cafe culture
Ex-Apple man Sam Sung - for it is he - sticks namebadge on eBay
Stump up via tat bazaar, do a good thing for ill kids
prev story

Whitepapers

5 things you didn’t know about cloud backup
IT departments are embracing cloud backup, but there’s a lot you need to know before choosing a service provider. Learn all the critical things you need to know.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Build a business case: developing custom apps
Learn how to maximize the value of custom applications by accelerating and simplifying their development.
Rethinking backup and recovery in the modern data center
Combining intelligence, operational analytics, and automation to enable efficient, data-driven IT organizations using the HP ABR approach.
Next gen security for virtualised datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.