Feeds

Wally rescue team faces £300 parking fines

The terrible price of compassion

Intelligent flash storage arrays

BUNGLING, heartless traffic wardens slapped £300 worth of FINES onto marine RESCUERS while they battled for DAYS to rescue tragic whale WALLY from the icy THAMES, we can almost exclusively reveal.

Sorry - we should explain. That's how UK tabloid The Sun will doubtless report the news that BUNGLING, heartless traffic wardens slapped £300 worth of FINES onto marine RESCUERS while they battled for DAYS to rescue tragic WALLY from the icy THAMES.

Yup, it's true. In their rush to save the bottle-nosed whale over the weekend, members of the British Divers Marine Rescue Group simply parked their cars on meters next to Vauxhall Bridge, the Beeb reports. They didn't get back til Sunday night, by which time the predatory attack wardens had moved in for the kill.

The group's chairman, Alan Knight, lamented: "It upsets me a bit that we are facing over £300 worth of bills. I guess they have got a job to do. However, all of our cars have 'marine ambulance' on the side or 'marine medics'... and I would have hoped they would have given us the benefit of the doubt."

No chance. The rescuers now face a £5k bill for their failed operation, although The Sun has started a £10k online campaign to save the whale's bones for scientific research. Reports that any surplus will be invested in a memorial fountain for Wallys everywhere is unconfirmed.

Well, we're sure readers will join us in offering our sympathies to the rescue team in its hour of financial need. Indeed, we at Vulture Central would like to help out by offering a fundraising suggestion: sell the whale meat to the Japanese Embassy* and then flog the bones to The Sun. The inhabitants of the former are not as sentimental about whales as we Brits, and the latter is absolutely loaded. Go to it. ®

Bootnotes

*If that fails, try the Norwegians. Neither nation gave up much news time to Wally's plight, as the Sunday Times notes.

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

More from The Register

next story
Boffins who stare at goats: I do believe they’re SHRINKING
Alpine chamois being squashed by global warming
Not a loyal follower of @BritishMonarchy? You missed The QUEEN*'s first Tweet
Her Maj opens 'Information Age' at the Science Museum
Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future
We feel obliged to point out the headline statement is total, utter cobblers
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers
Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants
Baaaaaa! Fanny's Farm's woolly flock is high, maaaaaan
Adorkable overshare of words like photobomb in this year's dictionaries
And hipsters are finally defined as self-loathing. Sort of
prev story

Whitepapers

Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
New hybrid storage solutions
Tackling data challenges through emerging hybrid storage solutions that enable optimum database performance whilst managing costs and increasingly large data stores.