Feeds

Festive trouser pump wafts into eBay

While invisible Xmas tree wows the crowd

Remote control for virtualized desktops

Ah, the evocative smells of Xmas - the alpine-fresh aroma of pine needles, chestnuts roasting on an open fire, the faint bouquet of granny's sweet sherry. And, of course, the deadly, nose-crippling whiff of the brussel-sprout-fuelled trouser cough, creeping across the Yule living room like a blanket of phosgene:

On Christmas day I will be bottling my first Brussels Sprout Trouser Pump of the afternoon.

The actual bottling of the fart will be videoed and quick time video of the main event will be emailed to the highest bidder.

although I cannot guarantee anything dramatic, I can assure you I will do my best to impress.

Be aware that any "follow through" from the trouser cough can be included in the sale if you wish.

The gaseous emission will be generated through consumption of the following items:
# Kedgeree for breakfast
# Champagne
# Real Ale before lunch
# A good Rioja or Nuits St George (we haven't decided yet)
# Roast Goose, Hazelnut Stuffing, Roast potatoes, Brussel Sprouts (at least 4), gravy, sausages wrapped in bacon, carrots, roasted parsnips, cranberry and bread sauce, Christmas pudding and brandy butter.

Happy Bidding and Merry Christmas to you all.

Very silly, and moving swiftly on we have another irresistible Yule item in the shape of the invisible Christmas tree:

That invisible tree in full

COMPLETELY INVISIBLE CHRISTMAS TREE

FULLY DECORATED

A festive cracker of an opportunity to bid on this truly magnificent, and Completely Invisible, Christmas Tree.

This glittering and gorgeous Tree will be delivered fully decorated, every elegant bough laden with masses of twinkling Fairy Lights, miles of sparkly Tinsel, dozens of Sugar Candy Canes and literally hundreds of glittering Baubles and Novelties ~ absolutely breathtaking.

The crowning glory is the Star Performance of the Christmas Fairy, Miss Charity Volunteer, who will sparkle, twinkle and shine from the top of the Tree for the full Twelve Days of Christmas.

The current top bid for the invisible Xmas tree is a cool £1,800 - but this is no arboreal reworking of the Xbox 360 scam. Nope, the whole thing is in aid of Children in Need, with 100 per cent of the auction proceeds going to help those less fortunate than ourselves. Good show. ®

Bootnote

A festive ta very much to Steven Williams and Tim Jones for spotting these Yule eBay oddities.

Intelligent flash storage arrays

More from The Register

next story
Holy vintage vehicles! Earliest known official Batmobile goes on sale
Riddle me this: are you prepared to pay US$180k?
Bible THUMP: Good Book beats Darwin to most influential tome title
Folio Society crowns fittest of surviving volumes
'Open source just means big companies can steal your code.' O RLY?
Plus: Flame of the Week returns, for one night only!
Hey, you, PHONE-FACE! Kickstarter in-car mobe mount will EMBED your phone into your MUG
Stick it on the steering wheel and wait for the airbag to fire
NEWSFLASH: It's time to ditch dullard Facebook chums
Everything hot in tech, courtesy of avian anchor Regina Eggbert
'It is comforting to know where your data centres are.' UK.GOV does NOT
Plus: Anons are 'wannabes', KKK says, before being pwned
Criticism of Uber's journo-Data Analytics plan is an Attack on DIGITAL FREEDOM
First they came for Emil – and I'm damn well SPEAKING OUT
U wot? Silicon Roundabout set to become Silicon U-BEND
Crap-spouting London upstarts to get permanent road closure
prev story

Whitepapers

Choosing cloud Backup services
Demystify how you can address your data protection needs in your small- to medium-sized business and select the best online backup service to meet your needs.
Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence
Download Choosing a Cloud Hosting Provider with Confidence to learn more about cloud computing - the new opportunities and new security challenges.
New hybrid storage solutions
Tackling data challenges through emerging hybrid storage solutions that enable optimum database performance whilst managing costs and increasingly large data stores.