Feeds

Gillingham FC auctioned on eBay

notfittoweartheshirt

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

Disheartened Gillingham fans have set up an auction for the team on eBay following the latest in a string of disappointing results by the English League One outfit this season. Die-hard supporters had enough following the team's dismal 5-0 drubbing away at Colchester last Saturday prompting the frivolous sale that kill-joy eBay bosses will doubtless pull shortly after this story is published.

The auction for Gillingham's first team squad (minus die-hards Mark Saunders and Andy Hessenthaler) currently stands at an improbable £10m despite a downbeat assessment of the Kent team's sporting prowess. Prospective bidders are told the Gills players for sale offer:

Boy Band looks

Top of the range cars

Access to loads of easy earned money

Can be assured to put country before club

Can get you into sleazy local nightclubs for FREE

**Unfortunately, one lady owner cannot be guaranteed**

WARNING: Item works OK for 15 minutes out of 90 but does not reach the standard required to avoid relegation.

The item comes in fair condition, requires plenty of pampering and is of high-maintenance.

Individual offers for each player will also be considered.

The Gills are 21st in League One, one point shy away off the drop zone and six points ahead of bottom club Swindon.

Gillingham chairman Paul Scally has came out in favour of caretaker boss Ronnie Jepson's plans to offload several under performing players when the January transfer window opens, the BBC reports. So perhaps the auction is genuine. But we doubt it, especially when the seller is new eBay member notfittoweartheshirt.

In any case the auction has generated plenty of entertaining football banter in its first four days including the tempting offer to swap second-choice goalkeeper Jason Brown for a brand new Little Britain DVD. One participant makes the following prize observation "The team is very old. Will the team be requiring:- 1) Meals on Wheels? 2) Transport to the local Age Concern? 3) Regular visits to Chatham Gala Bingo?" While another, who claims to run a Duck Shoot stall at the local carnival, reckons Gillingham defenders are just the ticket for the "slow and bulking targets", he needs. Good stuff and there's more, much more, here. ®

Security for virtualized datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Boffins who stare at goats: I do believe they’re SHRINKING
Alpine chamois being squashed by global warming
Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future
We feel obliged to point out the headline statement is total, utter cobblers
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers
Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants
Baaaaaa! Fanny's Farm's woolly flock is high, maaaaaan
Adorkable overshare of words like photobomb in this year's dictionaries
And hipsters are finally defined as self-loathing. Sort of
Not a loyal follower of @BritishMonarchy? You missed The QUEEN*'s first Tweet
Her Maj opens 'Information Age' at the Science Museum
prev story

Whitepapers

Choosing cloud Backup services
Demystify how you can address your data protection needs in your small- to medium-sized business and select the best online backup service to meet your needs.
Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.