Disheartened Gillingham fans have set up an auction for the team on eBay following the latest in a string of disappointing results by the English League One outfit this season. Die-hard supporters had enough following the team's dismal 5-0 drubbing away at Colchester last Saturday prompting the frivolous sale that kill-joy eBay bosses will doubtless pull shortly after this story is published.

The auction for Gillingham's first team squad (minus die-hards Mark Saunders and Andy Hessenthaler) currently stands at an improbable £10m despite a downbeat assessment of the Kent team's sporting prowess. Prospective bidders are told the Gills players for sale offer:

Boy Band looks

Top of the range cars

Access to loads of easy earned money

Can be assured to put country before club

Can get you into sleazy local nightclubs for FREE

**Unfortunately, one lady owner cannot be guaranteed**

WARNING: Item works OK for 15 minutes out of 90 but does not reach the standard required to avoid relegation.

The item comes in fair condition, requires plenty of pampering and is of high-maintenance.

Individual offers for each player will also be considered.

The Gills are 21st in League One, one point shy away off the drop zone and six points ahead of bottom club Swindon.

Gillingham chairman Paul Scally has came out in favour of caretaker boss Ronnie Jepson's plans to offload several under performing players when the January transfer window opens, the BBC reports. So perhaps the auction is genuine. But we doubt it, especially when the seller is new eBay member notfittoweartheshirt.

In any case the auction has generated plenty of entertaining football banter in its first four days including the tempting offer to swap second-choice goalkeeper Jason Brown for a brand new Little Britain DVD. One participant makes the following prize observation "The team is very old. Will the team be requiring:- 1) Meals on Wheels? 2) Transport to the local Age Concern? 3) Regular visits to Chatham Gala Bingo?" While another, who claims to run a Duck Shoot stall at the local carnival, reckons Gillingham defenders are just the ticket for the "slow and bulking targets", he needs. Good stuff and there's more, much more, here. ®