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Boffins quantify beer goggles phenomenon

I've had sixteen pints. You're lovely

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Researchers at the University of Manchester have discovered that the legendary "beer goggles" effect, by which previously-monstrous members of the opposite sex become strangely attractive after a skinful of lager, is not just down to the sheer volume of booze consumed.

Light levels in the establishment in which the beer is being consumed, the beholder's eyesight, atmospheric smokiness and proximity to the object of desire all play a part, too.

Accordingly, the research team formulated a beer goggle scale (from 0 to 100+) to measure this sinister effect, as follows:

  • Less than one: No effect
  • 1-50: Person you would normally find unattractive appears less "visually offensive"
  • 51-100: Non-appealing person becomes suddenly attractive
  • More than 100: Someone not considered attractive looks like a super model

Nathan Efron, Professor of Clinical Optometry at the University of Manchester, told the BBC: "For example, someone with normal vision, who has consumed five pints of beer and views a person 1.5 metres away in a fairly smoky and poorly lit room, will score 55, which means they would suffer from a moderate beer goggle effect."

Well, some of us down here at El Reg are a bit challenged in the eyesight depertment, but we can confirm that sheer weight of booze quaffed in the average Vulture Central evening ensures that even the Elephant Man - viewed from 40 metres in a room filled with smoke from a burning Xbox - would prove irrestistable. We make that around 257 on the Manchester Uni beer goggles scale. ®

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