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Segway burns into Vulture Central

Reg staffers road test two-wheeled pogo stick

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Picture special We're not quite sure what the VP in Charge of Writing at El Reg's Mountain View bureau, Ashlee Vance, will make of it*, but Segway yesterday visited Vulture Central in an attempt to convince the jaded hacks that a two-wheeled pogo stick is indeed the future of personal transportation for right-minded metropolitans.

Naturally, this involved a bit of road testing on the mean streets of London, including an impressive burn-up by editor Joe "Haven't been here long enough to have a nickname" Fay. A photographer was on hand to capture the historic moment, but, since Joe has a clause written into his contract preventing him from being exposed to professional ridicule and lambastation, the Reg art department received a no-nonsense edict ordering operatives to Photoshop a brown paper bag over his head:

The Segway comes to Vulture Central

Duly done, as the finished snap shows. Sadly, John "Lips" Leyden has no such clause for protection, and so is seen on the right taking a well-earned five minutes from researching the latest threat to world peace posed by browser vulnerabilities. The panic-striken Segway safety officer attempting to control John's Mad Max-style driving technique has justifiable cause for concern (note decapitated office chair) and just seconds after this image was captured, John made a high-speed break for the nearest pub, knocking down two decorated war veterans who were gently zimmering their way through Central London.

Once the dust had settled and the ambulance departed, Joe admitted to staff that the only photograph which could possibly cause more embarrassment than one of him tearing up the Capital's pavements astride a throbbing Segway would be a candid snap of him and Larry Ellison, naked and drinking vodka in the latter's luxury Japanese bath house. Well, the internet is indeed a wonderful thing, and five minutes' Googling dredged up the following, shocking image - allegedly taken just six months ago at the inauguration of Ellison's Blofeld-style oriental Garden of Death. Readers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away now:

That Japanese bath house snap in full

Bootnote

* Actually, we're pretty certain that when young Ashlee - a great fan of the Segway, as regular readers will know - discovers the dreadful truth, the resulting scene will be similar to that in Citizen Kane when the eponymous hero's wife walks out on him; or indeed any incident involving Steve Ballmer, Google and office furniture. You get the idea.

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