Feeds

Website campaigns for squirrel genocide

Tufty gets tough on tree-dwelling rats

Eight steps to building an HP BladeSystem

There is a fine old country saying - often to be heard emanating from old boys leaning thoughtfully on farm gates - that rats are rats, pigeons are rats with wings, and squirrels are rats with good PR.

Indeed, the non-native grey squirrel has long been a source of delight to innocent kiddies who ply the tree vermin with peanuts in London's leafy green spaces while indulgent parents encourage their offspring to get closer to the UK's fauna.

Not for much longer. The next time you see a grey squirrel in one of the Capital's parks it will most likely been running from a bloke with a rifle hell-bent on turning it into Rind-Crusted Fried Squirrel with Molasses Red-Eye Gravy.

That's if Tufty from Death to Grey Squirrels! gets his way. The anonymous resident of Stroud Green in North London has launched a campaign to rid our shores of the imported squirrel menace by any means necessary. Tufty explains:

Have you ever loaded up the bird table with winter treats for your garden birds, only to find it stripped down to the last nut and sunflower seed a few hours later? Did you recently spend all afternoon digging in crocus bulbs, then wake up in the morning to find your garden borders looking like the aftermath of the Battle of the Somme? Did you once put up a bird nesting box and watch a family of tits settle in, only to find that just at hatching time a massacre had taken place?

Yes, we've all been there. Action, it's clear, is urgently required. Tufty asks:

Do squirrels have any natural predators? Yes - you! This site is dedicated to how to become a squirrel predator. What is the best way to make your garden or country estate a grey squirrel-free zone? Let us know. Squirrel recipes, squirrel traps, anti-squirrel measures, individual squirrel deterrents- let's hear them all.

That's the kind of fighting talk we like to hear, although the RSPCA is rather less keen. It told This is Local London: "The RSPCA is opposed to the taking and killing of wild animals, and the infliction of any suffering upon them. To find long-term solutions to pest control, it is important to determine why the animals are attracted to the area such as for food or shelter and wherever possible, remove these attractants."

In short - cut down every tree in Britain and concrete the resulting space over. No, we're with Tufty on this one. He explains: "It's a challenge. I have tried squirrel-resistant feeders, placing wire mesh around the bird table, hanging bird feeders on washing lines, fixing the seed tray to the top of a 12-foot greased pole and drenching everything with commercial anti-squirrel red pepper spray all to no avail. The squirrels are obviously much smarter than we are. They say there is no such thing as a free lunch. Not so for squirrels."

In fact, Tufty should consider himself lucky that his local squirrel population has not yet developed a penchant for crack cocaine - as recently reported from Brixton, South London. When it does, it'll be more than tits and crocuses our vigilante will be fighting to protect as hoards of drug-crazed tree rats turn Stroud Green into a blood-spattered warzone. Time to lock'n'load and pull on the combats, we think. ®

Reducing security risks from open source software

More from The Register

next story
Delaware pair nabbed for getting saucy atop Mexican eatery
Burrito meets soft taco in alleged rooftop romp outrage
Japanese artist cuffed for disseminating 3D ladyparts files
Printable genitalia fall foul of 'obscene material' laws
Brit Rockall adventurer poised to quit islet
Occupation records broken, champagne corks popped
Carlos: Slim your working week to just three days of toil
'Midas World' vision suggests you retire later, watch more tellie and buy more stuff
Apple: No, China. iPhone is NOT public enemy number 1
Beijing fears it could beam secrets back to America
Canuck reader threatens suicide over exact dimensions of SPAAAACE!
How many As? Reg hack's writing cops a shoeing
Accused! Yahoo! exec! SUES! her! accuser!, says! sex! harassment! never! happened!
Allegations were for 'financial gain', countersuit claims
prev story

Whitepapers

Reducing security risks from open source software
Follow a few strategies and your organization can gain the full benefits of open source and the cloud without compromising the security of your applications.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
Application security programs and practises
Follow a few strategies and your organization can gain the full benefits of open source and the cloud without compromising the security of your applications.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.
Consolidation: the foundation for IT and business transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.