Feeds

Smut-blurring software ruins quality net porn

PixAlert fights inappropriate material

Gartner critical capabilities for enterprise endpoint backup

NSFW Irish smut-busting outfit PixAlert has develeoped technology which it claims "completely prevents pornographic images being displayed and viewed on computer screens" by somehow blocking "illegal or inappropriate images as they are rendered".

This impressive feat is achieved through "high-speed image analysis software" which can apparently detect "images actually being displayed on any screen and originating from any computer source".

Hmmmmm. We're not quite sure how PixAlert distinguishes between Edouard Manet's Olympia, for example, and a XXXX snap of a recumbent cheerleader pleasuring herself with a pom-pom, but here's how the company describes it:

PixAlert Monitor resides on the desktop and when a suspect image is blurred and subsequently viewed, a record is created in an audit log and an immediate alert can be sent to the administrator console. The administrator can view an encrypted copy of the image, along with the source machine and user name, date-time and the program used to view it.

PixAlert marketing supremo, Andy Churley, explained: "Inappropriate images in the workplace are becoming a real threat to business operations. Their presence on corporate computers and dissemination through a network can have severe consequences for an organisation and its corporate officers, including exposure to civil litigation, criminal proceedings, brand and reputation damage, financial loss and breach of corporate policies."

This is true. To determine whether your organisation is at risk from a litigation shitstorm, or already installed PixAlert over the weekend, see if you can view with clarity the following image of Paris Hilton romping naked on a couch with Madonna while Natalie Portman soaps herself down in the shower:

This image has been blocked and the authorities notified

5 things you didn’t know about cloud backup

More from The Register

next story
MEN WANTED to satisfy town full of yearning BRAZILIAN HOTNESS
'Prettier, better organised, more harmonious than if men were in charge'
Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD
'Officers were unable to determine Chicken's intent'
Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?
Local UK gov outs most ridiculous FoI requests...
Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!
Put it away boys. Cover them up ladies. Your credit cards, we mean
Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people
They're a future source of RENEWABLE ENERGY
Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'
US court hears of cached browser image - not actual request
Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty
Sales of traditional brekkie foods soar as hungry folk get their mitts greasy
prev story

Whitepapers

Top 10 endpoint backup mistakes
Avoid the ten endpoint backup mistakes to ensure that your critical corporate data is protected and end user productivity is improved.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Backing up distributed data
Eliminating the redundant use of bandwidth and storage capacity and application consolidation in the modern data center.
The essential guide to IT transformation
ServiceNow discusses three IT transformations that can help CIOs automate IT services to transform IT and the enterprise
Next gen security for virtualised datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.