Feeds

Smut-blurring software ruins quality net porn

PixAlert fights inappropriate material

Reducing the cost and complexity of web vulnerability management

NSFW Irish smut-busting outfit PixAlert has develeoped technology which it claims "completely prevents pornographic images being displayed and viewed on computer screens" by somehow blocking "illegal or inappropriate images as they are rendered".

This impressive feat is achieved through "high-speed image analysis software" which can apparently detect "images actually being displayed on any screen and originating from any computer source".

Hmmmmm. We're not quite sure how PixAlert distinguishes between Edouard Manet's Olympia, for example, and a XXXX snap of a recumbent cheerleader pleasuring herself with a pom-pom, but here's how the company describes it:

PixAlert Monitor resides on the desktop and when a suspect image is blurred and subsequently viewed, a record is created in an audit log and an immediate alert can be sent to the administrator console. The administrator can view an encrypted copy of the image, along with the source machine and user name, date-time and the program used to view it.

PixAlert marketing supremo, Andy Churley, explained: "Inappropriate images in the workplace are becoming a real threat to business operations. Their presence on corporate computers and dissemination through a network can have severe consequences for an organisation and its corporate officers, including exposure to civil litigation, criminal proceedings, brand and reputation damage, financial loss and breach of corporate policies."

This is true. To determine whether your organisation is at risk from a litigation shitstorm, or already installed PixAlert over the weekend, see if you can view with clarity the following image of Paris Hilton romping naked on a couch with Madonna while Natalie Portman soaps herself down in the shower:

This image has been blocked and the authorities notified

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

More from The Register

next story
WRISTJOB LOVE BONANZA: justWatch sex app promises blind date hookups
Mankind shuffles into the future, five fingers at a time
Every billionaire needs a PANZER TANK, right? STOP THERE, Paul Allen
Angry Microsoftie hauls auctioneers to court over stalled Pzkw. IV 'deal'
Apple's Mr Havisham: Tim Cook says dead Steve Jobs' office has remained untouched
'I literally think about him every day' says biz baron's old friend
Flaming drone batteries ground commercial flight before takeoff
Passenger had Something To Declare, instead fiddled while plane burned
Cops apologise for leaving EXPLOSIVES in suitcase at airport
'Canine training exercise' SNAFU sees woman take home booming baggage
Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us
Aye, shipmate, it be just like that Minority Report
prev story

Whitepapers

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk
A single remote control platform for user support is be key to providing an efficient helpdesk. Retain full control over the way in which screen and keystroke data is transmitted.
WIN a very cool portable ZX Spectrum
Win a one-off portable Spectrum built by legendary hardware hacker Ben Heck
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Security and trust: The backbone of doing business over the internet
Explores the current state of website security and the contributions Symantec is making to help organizations protect critical data and build trust with customers.