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Smut-blurring software ruins quality net porn

PixAlert fights inappropriate material

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

NSFW Irish smut-busting outfit PixAlert has develeoped technology which it claims "completely prevents pornographic images being displayed and viewed on computer screens" by somehow blocking "illegal or inappropriate images as they are rendered".

This impressive feat is achieved through "high-speed image analysis software" which can apparently detect "images actually being displayed on any screen and originating from any computer source".

Hmmmmm. We're not quite sure how PixAlert distinguishes between Edouard Manet's Olympia, for example, and a XXXX snap of a recumbent cheerleader pleasuring herself with a pom-pom, but here's how the company describes it:

PixAlert Monitor resides on the desktop and when a suspect image is blurred and subsequently viewed, a record is created in an audit log and an immediate alert can be sent to the administrator console. The administrator can view an encrypted copy of the image, along with the source machine and user name, date-time and the program used to view it.

PixAlert marketing supremo, Andy Churley, explained: "Inappropriate images in the workplace are becoming a real threat to business operations. Their presence on corporate computers and dissemination through a network can have severe consequences for an organisation and its corporate officers, including exposure to civil litigation, criminal proceedings, brand and reputation damage, financial loss and breach of corporate policies."

This is true. To determine whether your organisation is at risk from a litigation shitstorm, or already installed PixAlert over the weekend, see if you can view with clarity the following image of Paris Hilton romping naked on a couch with Madonna while Natalie Portman soaps herself down in the shower:

This image has been blocked and the authorities notified

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