Feeds

Smut-blurring software ruins quality net porn

PixAlert fights inappropriate material

Gartner critical capabilities for enterprise endpoint backup

NSFW Irish smut-busting outfit PixAlert has develeoped technology which it claims "completely prevents pornographic images being displayed and viewed on computer screens" by somehow blocking "illegal or inappropriate images as they are rendered".

This impressive feat is achieved through "high-speed image analysis software" which can apparently detect "images actually being displayed on any screen and originating from any computer source".

Hmmmmm. We're not quite sure how PixAlert distinguishes between Edouard Manet's Olympia, for example, and a XXXX snap of a recumbent cheerleader pleasuring herself with a pom-pom, but here's how the company describes it:

PixAlert Monitor resides on the desktop and when a suspect image is blurred and subsequently viewed, a record is created in an audit log and an immediate alert can be sent to the administrator console. The administrator can view an encrypted copy of the image, along with the source machine and user name, date-time and the program used to view it.

PixAlert marketing supremo, Andy Churley, explained: "Inappropriate images in the workplace are becoming a real threat to business operations. Their presence on corporate computers and dissemination through a network can have severe consequences for an organisation and its corporate officers, including exposure to civil litigation, criminal proceedings, brand and reputation damage, financial loss and breach of corporate policies."

This is true. To determine whether your organisation is at risk from a litigation shitstorm, or already installed PixAlert over the weekend, see if you can view with clarity the following image of Paris Hilton romping naked on a couch with Madonna while Natalie Portman soaps herself down in the shower:

This image has been blocked and the authorities notified

Next gen security for virtualised datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD
'Officers were unable to determine Chicken's intent'
Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!
Put it away boys. Cover them up ladies. Your credit cards, we mean
Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?
Local UK gov outs most ridiculous FoI requests...
Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'
US court hears of cached browser image - not actual request
Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people
They're a future source of RENEWABLE ENERGY
Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty
Sales of traditional brekkie foods soar as hungry folk get their mitts greasy
Nuts to your poncey hipster coffees, I want a TESLA ELECTRO-CAFE
Examining the frothy disconnect in indie cafe culture
Ex-Apple man Sam Sung - for it is he - sticks namebadge on eBay
Stump up via tat bazaar, do a good thing for ill kids
Check your Clungene, Irish women warned
Have a quick shufti, you may not be pregnant after all
prev story

Whitepapers

5 things you didn’t know about cloud backup
IT departments are embracing cloud backup, but there’s a lot you need to know before choosing a service provider. Learn all the critical things you need to know.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Build a business case: developing custom apps
Learn how to maximize the value of custom applications by accelerating and simplifying their development.
Rethinking backup and recovery in the modern data center
Combining intelligence, operational analytics, and automation to enable efficient, data-driven IT organizations using the HP ABR approach.
Next gen security for virtualised datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.