Feeds

Bird flu: you'll die but your IT will survive

Good news from Gartner

Security for virtualized datacentres

If the latest news from the wonderful world of Pandemia has got your organisation running around like a headless Romanian chicken, then don't fret: Gartner has released an essential guide to avian influenza, aka bird flu, aka Black Death II, which mercifully states that although you will most likely be lying dead among the smouldering ruins of society, your IT infrastructure can be saved for future generations.

Gartner rightly warns that bird flu could be even worse than SARS, which in 2003 killed a chilling 774 of 8,096 people infected worldwide, in the process generating 1.2bn column inches of press hysteria and rating an impressive 7.2 (out of ten) on the international "Imminent Pandemic Apocalypse" scale.

That's as nothing compared to avian Armageddon, though, as Gartner explains:

The WHO says that "even in the best case scenarios of the next pandemic, 2 to 7 million people would die and tens of millions would require medical attention." The WHO urges the development or updating of "influenza pandemic preparedness plans for responding to the widespread socioeconomic disruptions that would result from having large numbers of people unwell or dying."

OK, calm down and try to focus on your "pandemic preparedness plans", including the "possibility of an avian flu pandemic in your business continuity planning and crisis management preparations". Remember: "A pandemic wouldn't affect IT systems directly, but it would likely cause considerable economic disruption through its impact on the workforce and on business activity."

Gotcha. Good to hear there is one virus which won't be running amok through our systems. Any other pointers?:

  • Make your workforce aware of the avian flu threat and the steps you're taking to prepare for it.
  • Assess your business continuity preparedness for this type of workforce outage scenario and try to improve it (if necessary).
  • Assign someone in your business to track biological threats such as the avian flu. He or she should regularly review business continuity plans and update them in response to new information.
  • Establish or expand policies and tools that enable employees to work from home with broadband access, appropriate security and network access to applications.
  • Expand online transaction and self-service options for customers and partners.
  • Work with customers and partners to minimize any disruption by developing coordinated crisis response capabilities.

We might add the following:

  • Bulk buy flowers and coffins as part of your business continuity preparedness for a permanent workforce outage scenario.
  • Assign someone in your business to stand on the roof and shoot anything with wings.
  • Set up email autoresponders to communicate: "Sorry, I'm out of the office due to death."
  • Lock infected employees in their homes with broadband access and then paint a red cross on the door.
  • Leave a full set of instructions on how to reboot the servers for the next generation emerging blinking into the post-apocalyptic landscape.
  • Try to stay calm.

®

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

More from The Register

next story
Are you a fat boy? Get to university NOW, you PENNILESS SLACKER
Rotund types paid nearly 20% less than people who didn't eat all the pies
Emma Watson should SHUT UP, all this abuse is HER OWN FAULT
... said an anon coward who we really wish hadn't posted on our website
Japan develops robot CHEERLEADERS which RIDE on BALLS
'Will put smiles on faces worldwide', predicts corporate PR chief
Bruges Booze tubes to pump LOVELY BEER underneath city
Belgian booze pumped from underground
Let it go, Steve: Ballmer bans iPads from his LA Clippers b-ball team
Can you imagine the scene? 'Hey guys, it's your new owner – WTF is that on your desk?'
Amazon: Wish in one hand, Twit in the other – see which one fills first
#AmazonWishList A year's supply of Arran scotch, ta
SLOSH! Cops dethrone suspect - by tipping over portaloo with him inside
Talk about raising a stink and soiling your career
Ingredient found in TASTY BEER is GOOD for your BRAIN
You only have to drink 2k litres a day to see the effect...
Oz carrier Tiger Air takes terror alerts to new heights
Don't doodle, it might cost you your flight
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.
The next step in data security
With recent increased privacy concerns and computers becoming more powerful, the chance of hackers being able to crack smaller-sized RSA keys increases.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.