Feeds

Boffin tackles toast soldier nightmare

No more boiled-egg-based trauma

Build a business case: developing custom apps

A British engineer has ensured that the British breakfast table will no longer be the scene of early-morning trauma and despair in which sobbing children and their distraught parents struggle to tackle that most demanding of disciplines: creating the perfect toast soldier with which to bother their boiled eggs.

Mike Minton, a 37-year-old engineer, has calculated that the ideal width for a toast soldier should be 22mm. He explained to Ananova: "There has always been a danger of cutting your soldiers too fat or too thin. If they are too fat then obviously they can't fit into the opened neck of the egg which is infuriating. But if the soldiers are too small then there's the risk of a catastrophic failure after they're dunked into the yolk. The simple act of withdrawing the soldier may cause it to break in half, forcing the person who is eating the egg to resort to a teaspoon."

We hear you Mike. The solution? Simple: a hand-held toast perforator which pre-prepares the bread for easy post-toaster action. And if you reckon this is the sort of invention which can be knocked up in a couple of minutes between inventing other life-saving devices - like a gyroscopic toast stabiliser which ensures that it always lands butter-side up, or indeed an SMS kettle - then rest assured that a whole year of development went into the "Perfect Soldier", which will go on sale soon for around six quid. Put us down for half-a-dozen. ®

Next gen security for virtualised datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?
Local UK gov outs most ridiculous FoI requests...
Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD
'Officers were unable to determine Chicken's intent'
MEN WANTED to satisfy town full of yearning BRAZILIAN HOTNESS
'Prettier, better organised, more harmonious than if men were in charge'
Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!
Put it away boys. Cover them up ladies. Your credit cards, we mean
Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people
They're a future source of RENEWABLE ENERGY
Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'
US court hears of cached browser image - not actual request
Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty
Sales of traditional brekkie foods soar as hungry folk get their mitts greasy
prev story

Whitepapers

Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Endpoint data privacy in the cloud is easier than you think
Innovations in encryption and storage resolve issues of data privacy and key requirements for companies to look for in a solution.
Scale data protection with your virtual environment
To scale at the rate of virtualization growth, data protection solutions need to adopt new capabilities and simplify current features.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?