Feeds

Email makes you fat

Sport England combats electronic obesity menace

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Workers across Britain will this week celebrate "Email-Free Friday" - an initiative promoted by Sport England's Everday Sport campaign to encourage the desk-bound to get off their fat arses and circulate around their work environments with calorie-burning enthusiasm.

The reason is simple: emails make you fat. Long gone are the days when employees would run breathlessly to the human resources department to tell all and sundry that Tracy from accounts had been caught in the stationery cupboard administering sexual favours to Dave from transport - now it's all done electronically* and our waistlines are suffering as a result.

Sport England health advisor Dr Dorian Dugmore told the Observer: "We're losing millions of hours of exercise through the explosion of email. People email colleagues who sit next to them, never mind those who work on the other side of the office. We have to change people's lazy attitudes."

Experts reckon that upping activity levels by 10 per cent could save 6,000 lives and, crucially, £500m a year. The Observer cites the example of Phones 4U, where top dog John Caudwell has "banned his 2,500 staff from using email in the office". He explained: "We have email paralysis. If you have a cancer, you have to cut it out."

So there you have it. Accordingly, don't bother to finish reading this piece, resist the temptation to email it to a colleague and sprint as fast as you can to the lobby where you can tell your fellow smokers how much fitter you're feeling while puffing on a Silk Cut. Your heart and your waistline will thank you for it. ®

Bootnote

*We mean the dissemination of information, naturally. We have no doubt sexual favours are still administered personally in stationery cupboards across the UK, and quite right too.

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

More from The Register

next story
Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us
Aye, shipmate, it be just like that Minority Report
WRISTJOB LOVE BONANZA: justWatch sex app promises blind date hookups
Mankind shuffles into the future, five fingers at a time
Every billionaire needs a PANZER TANK, right? STOP THERE, Paul Allen
Angry Microsoftie hauls auctioneers to court over stalled Pzkw. IV 'deal'
Apple's Mr Havisham: Tim Cook says dead Steve Jobs' office has remained untouched
'I literally think about him every day' says biz baron's old friend
Cops apologise for leaving EXPLOSIVES in suitcase at airport
'Canine training exercise' SNAFU sees woman take home booming baggage
Flaming drone batteries ground commercial flight before takeoff
Passenger had Something To Declare, instead fiddled while plane burned
prev story

Whitepapers

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk
A single remote control platform for user support is be key to providing an efficient helpdesk. Retain full control over the way in which screen and keystroke data is transmitted.
WIN a very cool portable ZX Spectrum
Win a one-off portable Spectrum built by legendary hardware hacker Ben Heck
Saudi Petroleum chooses Tegile storage solution
A storage solution that addresses company growth and performance for business-critical applications of caseware archive and search along with other key operational systems.
Protecting users from Firesheep and other Sidejacking attacks with SSL
Discussing the vulnerabilities inherent in Wi-Fi networks, and how using TLS/SSL for your entire site will assure security.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.