Feeds

My prostate's as hard as an opal and ready to conquer Web 2.0

Why isn't yours?

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

And ninethly And seat-belts on because the most common observation in the hallways--made with tremble of panic--is that it's deja vu all over again. The workshops are jammed, the coffee-pots drained, and the massive central auditorium turning mobs away at the doors. Here's to praying that the exuberance is not a herald of rough times ahead.  And here's a toast to all the inspiring, fascinating, and massive opportunities to come - Henry Blodget on his new blog, er, blog. Soft as ever.

First off, let me thank all of your for the influx of kind, inspiring letters. I never would have made it through these last two months without your undying support. It's the remarkable nature of Register readers that makes working for this publication tolerable.

Many of you were right when you suggested that prostate-strengthening surgery would be tougher than expected. Dr. Reedmuller, however, insisted that all would go fine, and that I would have an opal-encrusted prostate gland in no time. (Yes, real opal. I have a marvelous supplier in Australia.) I went with the doctor's advice, and that was a mistake from a pure pain perspective but from a genital gravitas point of view, I'm all the better for the procedure.

Today my prostate shines with the same glory as a divine woman's bejeweled neck or pinky finger. I can't see it. You can't see it. But X-Rays do reveal a spectacular prostate. I'm stronger now than I've ever been and finally ready to resume my writing.

(My dual-balloon silicon ass implants are helping these long days back in front of the PC, as well. Although, those are best left for a future column.)

The two months away from the IT scene taught me a lot. I spent hours vomiting as a result of the agony that would arise every time my loins burned. During particularly bad loin anxiety, I polished my favorite shotgun, rubbing grease up and down and up and down its smooth, black barrel. Days passed, and my loins felt human again.

Drudge report headine touting the Sun and Google deal

More on this later. Just let the red text start to work its panic magic.

I learned a great deal about the arc that stretches between human suffering and redemptive bliss during all of the vomiting and polishing. I learned almost nothing about the IT agenda. That is until I returned to the computer and found IT journalism in an obviously decrepit state.

During my first days back, I knew something had changed since I abandoned the web and my pursuit of moral technology for the prostate infusion. Things had take a turn for the putrid. This week, in fact, proved the worst of all since I've been able to hound dog web pages once again.

Security for virtualized datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Boffins who stare at goats: I do believe they’re SHRINKING
Alpine chamois being squashed by global warming
Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future
We feel obliged to point out the headline statement is total, utter cobblers
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers
Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants
Baaaaaa! Fanny's Farm's woolly flock is high, maaaaaan
Adorkable overshare of words like photobomb in this year's dictionaries
And hipsters are finally defined as self-loathing. Sort of
Not a loyal follower of @BritishMonarchy? You missed The QUEEN*'s first Tweet
Her Maj opens 'Information Age' at the Science Museum
prev story

Whitepapers

Choosing cloud Backup services
Demystify how you can address your data protection needs in your small- to medium-sized business and select the best online backup service to meet your needs.
Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.