Feeds

Ballmer: 'I've never thrown a chair in my life'

It was a table, then?

Gartner critical capabilities for enterprise endpoint backup

Steve Ballmer has denied ever throwing a chair in his life in response to the accusation that he launched said piece of furniture across the room when ex-MS employee Mark Lukovsky told the big fella he was off to Google.

Ballmer simply tells the Telegraph: "I've never thrown a chair in my life," thereby creating the possibility of speculation that it was in fact a table, or a water cooler, or a bronze bust of Bill Gates which bore the brunt of his frustration.

Alternatively, Ballmer may in fact have called a lackey into the office to throw the chair for him. After all, when you've got that much wedge firmly trousered, why project your own office recliner when someone else can do it for you?

On the matter of whether he rather splendidly declared: "Fucking Eric Schmidt is a fucking pussy. I'm going to fucking bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to fucking kill Google," Ballmer is a little less certain.

"Did I want to keep that fellow at the company? Yes. Did I say I wanted to compete with Google? I don't know what words..." he offers. "I don't know. By and large I made a commitment nine years ago that I was not going to curse. I know I've had one or two transgressions in nine years, but I made that commitment to myself. Is that one of them? I don't recall."

The Telegraph opines: "It's hardly a denial. But you get the sense that Ballmer is more upset about this than anyone else. If a highly successful businessman occasionally indulges in a bit of foul language, who cares?"

Er, we do. It's simply not the sort of language we want to hear down at Vulture Central. Chair-chucking we can handle, but really...

Accordingly, here is our suggestion for Steve the next time one of his employees jumps ship: "Blast that Eric Schmidt he really is an utter cad. I'm going to wag my finger in his face, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to see to it that Google..." <throw chair/table/water cooler/bust of Bill Gates> ®

Next gen security for virtualised datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD
'Officers were unable to determine Chicken's intent'
Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!
Put it away boys. Cover them up ladies. Your credit cards, we mean
Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?
Local UK gov outs most ridiculous FoI requests...
Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'
US court hears of cached browser image - not actual request
Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people
They're a future source of RENEWABLE ENERGY
Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty
Sales of traditional brekkie foods soar as hungry folk get their mitts greasy
Nuts to your poncey hipster coffees, I want a TESLA ELECTRO-CAFE
Examining the frothy disconnect in indie cafe culture
Ex-Apple man Sam Sung - for it is he - sticks namebadge on eBay
Stump up via tat bazaar, do a good thing for ill kids
Check your Clungene, Irish women warned
Have a quick shufti, you may not be pregnant after all
prev story

Whitepapers

5 things you didn’t know about cloud backup
IT departments are embracing cloud backup, but there’s a lot you need to know before choosing a service provider. Learn all the critical things you need to know.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Build a business case: developing custom apps
Learn how to maximize the value of custom applications by accelerating and simplifying their development.
Rethinking backup and recovery in the modern data center
Combining intelligence, operational analytics, and automation to enable efficient, data-driven IT organizations using the HP ABR approach.
Next gen security for virtualised datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.