Feeds

Ballmer: 'I've never thrown a chair in my life'

It was a table, then?

Security for virtualized datacentres

Steve Ballmer has denied ever throwing a chair in his life in response to the accusation that he launched said piece of furniture across the room when ex-MS employee Mark Lukovsky told the big fella he was off to Google.

Ballmer simply tells the Telegraph: "I've never thrown a chair in my life," thereby creating the possibility of speculation that it was in fact a table, or a water cooler, or a bronze bust of Bill Gates which bore the brunt of his frustration.

Alternatively, Ballmer may in fact have called a lackey into the office to throw the chair for him. After all, when you've got that much wedge firmly trousered, why project your own office recliner when someone else can do it for you?

On the matter of whether he rather splendidly declared: "Fucking Eric Schmidt is a fucking pussy. I'm going to fucking bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to fucking kill Google," Ballmer is a little less certain.

"Did I want to keep that fellow at the company? Yes. Did I say I wanted to compete with Google? I don't know what words..." he offers. "I don't know. By and large I made a commitment nine years ago that I was not going to curse. I know I've had one or two transgressions in nine years, but I made that commitment to myself. Is that one of them? I don't recall."

The Telegraph opines: "It's hardly a denial. But you get the sense that Ballmer is more upset about this than anyone else. If a highly successful businessman occasionally indulges in a bit of foul language, who cares?"

Er, we do. It's simply not the sort of language we want to hear down at Vulture Central. Chair-chucking we can handle, but really...

Accordingly, here is our suggestion for Steve the next time one of his employees jumps ship: "Blast that Eric Schmidt he really is an utter cad. I'm going to wag my finger in his face, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to see to it that Google..." <throw chair/table/water cooler/bust of Bill Gates> ®

New hybrid storage solutions

More from The Register

next story
Every billionaire needs a PANZER TANK, right? STOP THERE, Paul Allen
Angry Microsoftie hauls auctioneers to court over stalled Pzkw. IV 'deal'
Apple's Mr Havisham: Tim Cook says dead Steve Jobs' office has remained untouched
'I literally think about him every day' says biz baron's old friend
Flaming drone batteries ground commercial flight before takeoff
Passenger had Something To Declare, instead fiddled while plane burned
Cops apologise for leaving EXPLOSIVES in suitcase at airport
'Canine training exercise' SNAFU sees woman take home booming baggage
WRISTJOB LOVE BONANZA: justWatch sex app promises blind date hookups
Mankind shuffles into the future, five fingers at a time
Jony Ive: Apple iWatch will SCREW UP Switzerland's economy
Apple's chief designer forgot one crucial point about overpriced bling
prev story

Whitepapers

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops
Balancing user privacy and privileged access, in accordance with compliance frameworks and legislation. Evaluating any potential remote control choice.
Saudi Petroleum chooses Tegile storage solution
A storage solution that addresses company growth and performance for business-critical applications of caseware archive and search along with other key operational systems.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk
A single remote control platform for user support is be key to providing an efficient helpdesk. Retain full control over the way in which screen and keystroke data is transmitted.