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Steve Ballmer: the ultimate online poll

What is this beast they call the Ballmer? You must decide

By Team Register • Get more from this author

Posted in Bootnotes, 5th September 2005 16:17 GMT

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Poll Steve Ballmer - an engima wrapped within a riddle printed on an MS licence agreement. Or is he? You must decide...

Here, for the first time in cyberspace, we at Vulture Central have compiled an online poll to delve into the source code driving one of the 21st century's great industrialists - a man so rich that if his entire wealth, represented in one dollar bills, were stacked up it would reach beyond the orbit of lonely Sedna; a distance equivalent to 28.7bn rubber office chairs laid-end-to-end. It's an awe-inspiring thought.

Our hope is that a sufficiently high percentage of the World's population has by now got a sense of the man through their everyday interaction with MS products, from the ever-popular Windows XP, to that most productive of Office tools - MS Word. If you do indeed feel touched by Ballmer via your PC, then complete the poll below so that the rest of humanity might too share the power. Onwards:

The richest man in the World is?

Bill Gates
Paul Allen
Steve Ballmer
Mrs Gates
The bloke who supplies Microsoft's office furniture

The World without Ballmer. How does it look?

Unbundled
OS-filled
Less Wordy
Hairier
Like Google Earth

Ballmer's favourite fruit is:

Apple

Ballmer's favourite word is:

Apple
Google
Bundled
Rubber
Pussy

What, according to Ballmer and MS Encarta, is the correct definition of a "Google"?

No results found for "Google"

Ballmer's favourite song is:

What's New, Pussycat?
Money, Money, Money
If I were a Rich Man
If I Ruled the World
The Apple Pie Song

Ballmer's favourite movie is:

Kill Bill
What's New, Pussycat?
A Fistful of Dollars
For a Few Dollars More
Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

Ballmer's favourite movie quote is:

You know, I never feel comfortable on these sort of things. Victims? Don't be melodramatic. Tell me. Would you really feel any pity if one of those dots stopped moving forever? If I offered you twenty thousand pounds for every dot that stopped, would you really, old man, tell me to keep my money, or would you calculate how many dots you could afford to spare? Free of income tax, old man. Free of income tax - the only way you can save money nowadays. (Harry Lime, The Third Man)
Dip the apple in the brew. Let the Sleeping Death seep through. (Queen, Snow White and the Seven Dwarves)
Well, I'm sure you did it with complete discretion. And speaking for Pussy, if he's still alive, I'm sure he would agree. (Silvio Dante, The Sopranos)
I've been waiting for you, Obi-Wan. We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete. When I met you I was but the learner. Now, I am the master. (Darth Vader, Star Wars)
It's not personal, Sonny. It's strictly business. (Michael Corleone, The Godfather)

How will Ballmer's tenure at Microsoft end?

A pre-emptive strike from Eric Schmidt
Conviction for terminating departing employees
A tragic accident with Microsoft's new range of rubber office furniture
Deployment as a one-man mission to take out North Korean WMDs
An adverse medical reaction to Bill Gates's announcement he has decided to leave Redmond to write code at Google

And how will he be remembered?

Fondly
Bundly
Wordly
Apply
Googly

 

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