Feeds

Britney to drop sprog on live TV?

If Kevin Federline gets his wicked way

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

Britney Spears' squeeze Kevin Federline wants the highly-talented chanteuse to drop her sprog on live TV, a breathless Yahoo! reports. Britney is due to eject her bun in October, and young Kev reckons - in the wake of the couple's recent ratings flop Chaotic - that the sight of the pop sensation, legs akimbo, grunting her Hollywood rugrat into the world might prove an audience-puller.

Britney is, lamentably, not so keen - not because it's about as low as you can go in terms of self-publicity - but because she's worried about how she might look on camera. A "friend" said: "Britney feels that when a woman gives birth, she's certainly not looking her best, and she doesn't want to have to worry about how she looks in front of the camera when she should be concentrating on birthing a healthy baby."

Well quite. To be fair to our Brit, her mate does add: "Britney told me that it wouldn't be Kevin screaming and crying out in pain on TV. She said giving birth should be a very private thing for just Kevin and her to share, and that she's not sure she wants the whole world looking on."

Good for you girl. But then again, Britney's pal concludes: "Britney has agreed to allow Kevin to tape the big moment with their personal video camera, and depending on the outcome and just how difficult a time she has, she says she might reconsider and allow it to air after the fact."

Hmmmm. That's all well and good, but we can't help feeling Kevin may have missed the boat here. After all, we reckon the real ratings hit would have been video evidence of the conception, complete with cervixcam to capture the explosive climax to the event.

The advantages of such a "Britney gets banged up" TV special are obvious: unlike giving birth, where you don't really have much control over proceedings, there's nothing to prevent a girl taking a quick breather so her hair stylist and make-up guru can move in to repair the damage caused by torrid rumpy-pumpy. A bit of judicious editing and viola! - an immaculately-coiffeured Brit going at it like a jack rabbit. Now that's entertainment. ®

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

More from The Register

next story
Criticism of Uber's journo-Data Analytics plan is an Attack on DIGITAL FREEDOM
First they came for Emil – and I'm damn well SPEAKING OUT
'It is comforting to know where your data centres are.' UK.GOV does NOT
Plus: Anons are 'wannabes', KKK says, before being pwned
Google's whois results say it's a lousy smut searcher
Run whois google.com or whois microsoft.com. We dare you, you PIG◙◙◙◙ER
Holy vintage vehicles! Earliest known official Batmobile goes on sale
Riddle me this: are you prepared to pay US$180k?
'Open source just means big companies can steal your code.' O RLY?
Plus: Flame of the Week returns, for one night only!
NEWSFLASH: It's time to ditch dullard Facebook chums
Everything hot in tech, courtesy of avian anchor Regina Eggbert
Hey, you, PHONE-FACE! Kickstarter in-car mobe mount will EMBED your phone into your MUG
Stick it on the steering wheel and wait for the airbag to fire
prev story

Whitepapers

Designing and building an open ITOA architecture
Learn about a new IT data taxonomy defined by the four data sources of IT visibility: wire, machine, agent, and synthetic data sets.
Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
5 critical considerations for enterprise cloud backup
Key considerations when evaluating cloud backup solutions to ensure adequate protection security and availability of enterprise data.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Managing SSL certificates with ease
The lack of operational efficiencies and compliance pitfalls associated with poor SSL certificate management, and how the right SSL certificate management tool can help.