Google spots Jesus in Peruvian sand dune

Or is it Charles Manson?

By Lester Haines, 15th July 2005

Customer Success Testimonial: Recovery is Everything

Black helicopter alert There's some very good news today for those readers who do not have the good fortune to live in either the UK or the US of A - you now officially exist according to Google UK.

Yup, maps.google.co.uk has now restored those bits of the the globe previously not thought worthy of inclusion in the big map - which was everywhere except Blighty and the States, Canada, Central America, some Caribbean islands and the Irish Republic. There's more on the terrifying conspiracy theory behind this mass erasure in our previous report into the matter.

But before the black helicopters can return to base, we must ask this simple question: Why has Google Maps chosen to remain silent on the small matter of having located Jesus Christ in a Peruvian sand dune?

We find it impossible to believe that Google didn't spot this ghostly Turin shroudesque image of Our Lord in the South American sands. What are they not telling us?

A quick phone call to Erich von Däniken confirmed our initial suspicions that the image was hewn from the sand by an ancient civilisation using hot air balloons and alien laser technology borrowed from the scientists of Atlantis. Either that or someone is projecting a picture of Charles Manson onto the desert from a low Earth orbit, Erich told El Reg before popping out to discover a representation of an extraterrestrial wearing an Apple iPod carved into a stone by Mayan artisans in 500BC.

Whatever the truth, the implications of this discovery are chilling indeed. Sinister things are afoot at Google, make no mistake. ®