Feeds

Astrologer sues NASA for Tempel 1 'moral trauma'

Deep Impact litigant demands $300m

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Intelligent flash storage arrays

A Russian astrologer is suing NASA for $300m in damages for "moral trauma" after the agency's Deep Impact mission successfully slammed a probe into comet Tempel 1.

Marina Bay has filed suit in a Moscow court claiming that "any variation in the orbit or the composition of the Tempel comet will certainly affect her own fate". She also reckons that NASA has recklessly endangered the future of civilisation. Her lawyer, Alexander Molokhov, told the BBC: "Nobody has yet proven that this experiment was safe. This impact could have altered the orbit of the comet, so now there is a chance that the Tempel may well destroy the Earth some day!"

Molokhov further asked that anyone who believe they had been affected by the mission contact his legal team asap, saying: "The impact changed the magnetic properties of the comet, and this could have affected mobile telephony here on Earth. If your phone went down this morning, ask yourself why? and then get in touch with us."*

Someone who will not be getting in touch with Molokhov is NASA mission engineer Shadan Ardalan. He told the Beeb: "The analogy is a mosquito hitting the front of an airliner in flight. The effect is negligible."

Well he would say that, wouldn't he? There is always the possibility that Tempel 1 will career towards Earth in an Armageddon stylee, but if that were the case, then $300m would not be a lot of use to Ms Bay, except perhaps to secure the services of Bruce Willis before it's too late.

But hold on a minute: surely Bay - as an amateur star-diviner - is better placed than most to predict the likely outcome of the NASA outrage? For that matter, a quick shufti at the astrological charts will doubtless inform the litigious Russian how much exactly judge Litvinenko of the Moscow Presnya court will award in damages.

Unless, of course, Bay is right in her claim that the post-impact Tempel 1 has inexorably affected her own fate, in which case we suspect that Litvinenko will kick her ass onto the street after a stern lecture involving the words "taking the piss". ®

Bootnote

*Not by phone, obviously. Try telepathy.

Related stories

Deep Impact makes an impression on Tempel-1
We used to be afraid of comets, now it's their turn
Bruce Willis still on Armageddon alert

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

More from The Register

next story
Criticism of Uber's journo-Data Analytics plan is an Attack on DIGITAL FREEDOM
First they came for Emil – and I'm damn well SPEAKING OUT
'It is comforting to know where your data centres are.' UK.GOV does NOT
Plus: Anons are 'wannabes', KKK says, before being pwned
Google's whois results say it's a lousy smut searcher
Run whois google.com or whois microsoft.com. We dare you, you PIG◙◙◙◙ER
Holy vintage vehicles! Earliest known official Batmobile goes on sale
Riddle me this: are you prepared to pay US$180k?
'Open source just means big companies can steal your code.' O RLY?
Plus: Flame of the Week returns, for one night only!
NEWSFLASH: It's time to ditch dullard Facebook chums
Everything hot in tech, courtesy of avian anchor Regina Eggbert
Hey, you, PHONE-FACE! Kickstarter in-car mobe mount will EMBED your phone into your MUG
Stick it on the steering wheel and wait for the airbag to fire
prev story

Whitepapers

Free virtual appliance for wire data analytics
The ExtraHop Discovery Edition is a free virtual appliance will help you to discover the performance of your applications across the network, web, VDI, database, and storage tiers.
Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
How to determine if cloud backup is right for your servers
Two key factors, technical feasibility and TCO economics, that backup and IT operations managers should consider when assessing cloud backup.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Business security measures using SSL
Examines the major types of threats to information security that businesses face today and the techniques for mitigating those threats.