Feeds

Astrologer sues NASA for Tempel 1 'moral trauma'

Deep Impact litigant demands $300m

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

A Russian astrologer is suing NASA for $300m in damages for "moral trauma" after the agency's Deep Impact mission successfully slammed a probe into comet Tempel 1.

Marina Bay has filed suit in a Moscow court claiming that "any variation in the orbit or the composition of the Tempel comet will certainly affect her own fate". She also reckons that NASA has recklessly endangered the future of civilisation. Her lawyer, Alexander Molokhov, told the BBC: "Nobody has yet proven that this experiment was safe. This impact could have altered the orbit of the comet, so now there is a chance that the Tempel may well destroy the Earth some day!"

Molokhov further asked that anyone who believe they had been affected by the mission contact his legal team asap, saying: "The impact changed the magnetic properties of the comet, and this could have affected mobile telephony here on Earth. If your phone went down this morning, ask yourself why? and then get in touch with us."*

Someone who will not be getting in touch with Molokhov is NASA mission engineer Shadan Ardalan. He told the Beeb: "The analogy is a mosquito hitting the front of an airliner in flight. The effect is negligible."

Well he would say that, wouldn't he? There is always the possibility that Tempel 1 will career towards Earth in an Armageddon stylee, but if that were the case, then $300m would not be a lot of use to Ms Bay, except perhaps to secure the services of Bruce Willis before it's too late.

But hold on a minute: surely Bay - as an amateur star-diviner - is better placed than most to predict the likely outcome of the NASA outrage? For that matter, a quick shufti at the astrological charts will doubtless inform the litigious Russian how much exactly judge Litvinenko of the Moscow Presnya court will award in damages.

Unless, of course, Bay is right in her claim that the post-impact Tempel 1 has inexorably affected her own fate, in which case we suspect that Litvinenko will kick her ass onto the street after a stern lecture involving the words "taking the piss". ®

Bootnote

*Not by phone, obviously. Try telepathy.

Related stories

Deep Impact makes an impression on Tempel-1
We used to be afraid of comets, now it's their turn
Bruce Willis still on Armageddon alert

Security for virtualized datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Boffins who stare at goats: I do believe they’re SHRINKING
Alpine chamois being squashed by global warming
Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future
We feel obliged to point out the headline statement is total, utter cobblers
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers
Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants
Baaaaaa! Fanny's Farm's woolly flock is high, maaaaaan
Adorkable overshare of words like photobomb in this year's dictionaries
And hipsters are finally defined as self-loathing. Sort of
Not a loyal follower of @BritishMonarchy? You missed The QUEEN*'s first Tweet
Her Maj opens 'Information Age' at the Science Museum
prev story

Whitepapers

Choosing cloud Backup services
Demystify how you can address your data protection needs in your small- to medium-sized business and select the best online backup service to meet your needs.
Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.