Feeds

US boffins resurrect zombie dogs

HP Lovecraft, come on down

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

US scientists at the Papa Doc Duvalier Center for Reanimation Studies* are celebrating ground-breaking research during which they successfully raised dogs from the grave after several hours of "clinical death".

According to news.com.au, the technique involves draining the mutts' blood and replacing it with a saline solution a couple of degrees above zero. The body temperature drops to around 7°C, provoking a cessation of breathing, heart and brain activity and rendering the subject officially dead.

To reanimate the zombie canine, the latter-day Herbert Wests reintroduce the blood while administering 100 per cent oxygen and electric shocks to jump-start the heart. The dog is apparently none the worse for its near-permanent-death experience and reportedly suffers no physical or brain damage as a result of this macabre experiment. We assume that post-resurrection mental capacity is judged by throwing a stick across the lab and seeing if the four-legged member of the Tontons Macoutes runs after it with tail-wagging enthusiasm.

Naturally, there is some perfectly legitimate science behind all this. The team reckons the technique could be used to temporarily suspend battlefield casualties, during which surgeons could repair the damage before jump-starting the bewildered grunt. One unnamed army doc enthused: "The results are stunning. I think in 10 years we will be able to prevent death in a certain segment of those using this technology."

The scientists plan to reanimate a human subject within a year. Any reader wishing to participate in this historic moment is advised to wrap up warm and fully acquaint him or herself with the works of HP Lovecraft. ®

Bootnote

*Ok, we made that up. It's actually the Safar Centre for Resuscitation Research in Pittsburgh.

Related stories

Cloned kitten sold for $50,000
EU puts squeeze on animal testing
Boffin honoured for necrophile gay duck paper

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

More from The Register

next story
Bond villains lament as Wicked Lasers withdraw death ray
Want to arm that shark? Better get in there quick
Renewable energy 'simply WON'T WORK': Top Google engineers
Windmills, solar, tidal - all a 'false hope', say Stanford PhDs
SEX BEAST SEALS may be egging each other on to ATTACK PENGUINS
Boffin: 'I think the behaviour is increasing in frequency'
Reuse the Force, Luke: SpaceX's Elon Musk reveals X-WING designs
And a floating carrier for recyclable rockets
The next big thing in medical science: POO TRANSPLANTS
Your brother's gonna die, kid, unless we can give him your, well ...
Antarctic ice THICKER than first feared – penguin-bot boffins
Robo-sub scans freezing waters, rocks warming models
NASA launches new climate model at SC14
75 days of supercomputing later ...
Britain's HUMAN DNA-strewing Moon mission rakes in £200k
3 days, and Kickstarter moves lander 37% nearer takeoff
Your PHONE is slowly KILLING YOU
Doctors find new Digitillnesses - 'text neck' and 'telepressure'
prev story

Whitepapers

Why and how to choose the right cloud vendor
The benefits of cloud-based storage in your processes. Eliminate onsite, disk-based backup and archiving in favor of cloud-based data protection.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
Go beyond APM with real-time IT operations analytics
How IT operations teams can harness the wealth of wire data already flowing through their environment for real-time operational intelligence.
How to determine if cloud backup is right for your servers
Two key factors, technical feasibility and TCO economics, that backup and IT operations managers should consider when assessing cloud backup.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?