Feeds

US boffins resurrect zombie dogs

HP Lovecraft, come on down

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

A new approach to endpoint data protection

US scientists at the Papa Doc Duvalier Center for Reanimation Studies* are celebrating ground-breaking research during which they successfully raised dogs from the grave after several hours of "clinical death".

According to news.com.au, the technique involves draining the mutts' blood and replacing it with a saline solution a couple of degrees above zero. The body temperature drops to around 7°C, provoking a cessation of breathing, heart and brain activity and rendering the subject officially dead.

To reanimate the zombie canine, the latter-day Herbert Wests reintroduce the blood while administering 100 per cent oxygen and electric shocks to jump-start the heart. The dog is apparently none the worse for its near-permanent-death experience and reportedly suffers no physical or brain damage as a result of this macabre experiment. We assume that post-resurrection mental capacity is judged by throwing a stick across the lab and seeing if the four-legged member of the Tontons Macoutes runs after it with tail-wagging enthusiasm.

Naturally, there is some perfectly legitimate science behind all this. The team reckons the technique could be used to temporarily suspend battlefield casualties, during which surgeons could repair the damage before jump-starting the bewildered grunt. One unnamed army doc enthused: "The results are stunning. I think in 10 years we will be able to prevent death in a certain segment of those using this technology."

The scientists plan to reanimate a human subject within a year. Any reader wishing to participate in this historic moment is advised to wrap up warm and fully acquaint him or herself with the works of HP Lovecraft. ®

Bootnote

*Ok, we made that up. It's actually the Safar Centre for Resuscitation Research in Pittsburgh.

Related stories

Cloned kitten sold for $50,000
EU puts squeeze on animal testing
Boffin honoured for necrophile gay duck paper

The Essential Guide to IT Transformation

More from The Register

next story
Just TWO climate committee MPs contradict IPCC: The two with SCIENCE degrees
'Greenhouse effect is real, but as for the rest of it ...'
Asteroid's DINO KILLING SPREE just bad luck – boffins
Sauricide WASN'T inevitable, reckon scientists
Brit amateur payload set to complete full circle around PLANET EARTH
Ultralight solar radio tracker in glorious 25,000km almost-space odyssey
Boffins spot weirder quantum capers as neutrons take the high road, spin takes the low
Cheshire cat effect see neutrons and their properties walk different paths
NASA Mars rover FINALLY equals 1973 Soviet benchmark
Yet to surpass ancient Greek one, however
Famous 'Dish' radio telescope to be emptied in budget crisis: CSIRO
Radio astronomy suffering to protect Square Kilometre Array
prev story

Whitepapers

7 Elements of Radically Simple OS Migration
Avoid the typical headaches of OS migration during your next project by learning about 7 elements of radically simple OS migration.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
Solving today's distributed Big Data backup challenges
Enable IT efficiency and allow a firm to access and reuse corporate information for competitive advantage, ultimately changing business outcomes.
A new approach to endpoint data protection
What is the best way to ensure comprehensive visibility, management, and control of information on both company-owned and employee-owned devices?