Feeds

I am not a terrorist, now sell me some software

Oracle gets tough

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Gartner critical capabilities for enterprise endpoint backup

Oracle is doing what it can to make the world a safer, nicer place to live, by making sure that dastardly terrorists can't use its software.

To get hold of one of Oracle's Technology Network Developer Licenses, wannabe purchasers must tick a series of boxes, proving themselves fit to buy. First you have to promise you aren't from Cuba (member of the World Trade Organisation since 1995). Customers from Iran, Sudan, Libya, North Korea and Syria will also be disappointed to learn that their custom is not wanted.

Once you have made it clear that you are from a friendly country (like, say, Saudi Arabia), you have to tick a box confirming that you are not a terrorist, or a drug smuggler. Pity the poor cocaine barons. How on Earth are they going to keep on top of their stock levels and days outstanding now?

Next you have to promise you won't use the software for naughty purposes.

Like what, you ask? Well, like "the development, design, manufacture or production of nuclear, chemical or biological weapons of mass destruction".

As you can imagine, we all breathed a sign of relief when we heard this. After all, bin Laden and chums are known to be sticklers for good database management, and it is highly unlikely that the well-respected Al Qaeda IT department would approve any software purchase without first agreeing to the terms of the end user license agreement.

Our thanks to vulture-eyed reader Duncan Martelock for bringing this to our attention. Duncan writes:

I think all governments should adopt this policy, stick it on birth certificates/passports and save billions on security, although the full wording does allow for undesignated terrorists and the building of nuclear weapons which don't cause mass destruction. (Are nuclear grenades weapons of mass destruction?)

Absolutely right, Duncan. We need clearer definitions of these woolly terms. But in the meantime, thank goodness Oracle is fighting the bad guys on this front. Terrorist organisations around the world will sink in disarray as they are no longer able to maintain decent membership lists, or track, manage and understand their next plot to take over the world.

To prove that we are not making this up, see the full details of the agreement here. ®

Related stories

Dell in front line of War on Terror
Trojan poses as Osama capture pics
Clarke calls for ID cards after imagining huge poison terror ring
Terrorists grow fat on email scams

Next gen security for virtualised datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD
'Officers were unable to determine Chicken's intent'
Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!
Put it away boys. Cover them up ladies. Your credit cards, we mean
Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?
Local UK gov outs most ridiculous FoI requests...
Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'
US court hears of cached browser image - not actual request
Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people
They're a future source of RENEWABLE ENERGY
Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty
Sales of traditional brekkie foods soar as hungry folk get their mitts greasy
Nuts to your poncey hipster coffees, I want a TESLA ELECTRO-CAFE
Examining the frothy disconnect in indie cafe culture
Ex-Apple man Sam Sung - for it is he - sticks namebadge on eBay
Stump up via tat bazaar, do a good thing for ill kids
Check your Clungene, Irish women warned
Have a quick shufti, you may not be pregnant after all
prev story

Whitepapers

5 things you didn’t know about cloud backup
IT departments are embracing cloud backup, but there’s a lot you need to know before choosing a service provider. Learn all the critical things you need to know.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Build a business case: developing custom apps
Learn how to maximize the value of custom applications by accelerating and simplifying their development.
Rethinking backup and recovery in the modern data center
Combining intelligence, operational analytics, and automation to enable efficient, data-driven IT organizations using the HP ABR approach.
Next gen security for virtualised datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.