A Cardiff vicar has addressed the problem of falling congregations by offering his flock a quiet wireless hotspot in which they can seek the meaning of the word salvation on Google while chewing the fat via email with Pope Benny 16.

Keith Kimber, of St John's in Cardiff city centre, has sold his soul to Cardiff Council and BT Openzone to acquire the wirless technology. Before inking the mephistophelean technopact, Rev Kimber was unable to access the city's wireless services due to his church's four-foot-thick walls. Now, however, he boasts a wireless node within the body of the House of God itself.

Said the good Reverend: "The church has to move with the times and I wanted to make St John’s a sanctuary for everyone, including business people with laptops and mobiles."

Hmmm. We feel he may have cause to regret that sentiment when his sermons - written on laptop, natch - are drowned out by the clackety-clack of dotcom yuppies banging away at mission-critical Powerpoint presentations and suits gibbering meaninglessly into 3G mobes.

In the end, what the church needs is less technology and more people genuflecting. And no, we don't mean before an altar to Steve Jobs or Linus Torvalds. ®

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