Feeds

BOFH: Lucky in computing...

...unlucky in love. Sigh

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Remote control for virtualized desktops

Episode 16 It may be true what they say about being lucky in computing and unlucky in love.

Sigh.

Of course it might just be me saying that but still there's the odd shred of evidence to support it. Take the PFY for instance, who's as lucky in love as Grace Kelly is at cornering. Sure, he can semi-regularly win Spider with four suits but he still can't manage to hold onto a woman between pay cheques.

It can all be a bit depressing for the lad and as both a bystander and a friend I feel obliged to help him out in his time of misery.

"GET HARD YA BIG JESSIE!" I shout, playing the tough love card. "You don't see me moping around the place like a Mac geek at a TechNet gathering!"

"That would be because you and your missus are still seeing each other," the PFY whines pathetically.

"Now, now, you have no proof that the break-up was anything but an ordinary relationship that had simply run its course. Sure, she does spend a bit of her free time with her supervisor, but there's no reason to put two and two together and come up with 69. There may be a perfectly logical explanation for her absences."

"Sure," the PFY says, not believing a word of it.

"Look, you're just being paranoid!" I say. "There's a bound to be some perfectly innocent reason for her spending time in her boss' company."

"Oh yeah, and what's that?"

"I'm putting my money on it being work hours - when she's supposed to be at work?"

"Yeah, it's all a little too bloody convenient!" he snaps.

I can see that I'm going to get nowhere with the PFY and that this is some deeply ingrained upset that may need some special handling.

"Ok, before you get a little too off tangent have you done all the normal post-mortem relationship things?"

"What do you mean?"

"Run conversations back through your mind looking for warning signs, replayed old arguments looking for the straw that broke the camel's back or rifled through her email looking for the confirmation of a hotel reservation - by the hour?"

"I..."

"Right, so you've done all that - and there's no actual evidence?"

"No, but that doesn't mean..."

"Doesn't mean you're not being a little paranoid. Tell you what, why don't we get an expert opinion?"

"Who?"

"The other half - she's bound to know what's been going on."

. . . A couple of calls later . . .

"Ok, so the PFY's got a little problem in love and he'd like you to diagnose what may have caused the problem, and whether his ex is actually seeing someone else."

"Uh-huh," Karen says. "So what happened?"

"She just said she didn't think it was working out."

"When?"

"Monday morning."

"And you didn't talk about it the night before?"

"No, I was playing on the PS2."

"Ok, but what about in the weekend"

"I was at the Robot Destroyer challenge most of Saturday, and Sunday I was helping cleanup after the Robot Destroyer challenge."

"Ok, when was the last time you talked to her?"

"Thursday night."

"And what did you talk about?"

"What she should pick me up at the curry house on the way home."

"And you didn't talk when she got home?"

"I WAS EATING A CURRY!"

"What about after the curry?"

"I'm not sure; I was trolleyed by then because I'd had 10 beers to get the vindaloo down."

"Right. Okay, what about the night before that?"

"Had a Phal - and 12 lagers. And some ice."

"And the night before that?"

"She had some birds' night out and I had a Rogan Josh. And five lagers."

"Okay, well don't take this the wrong way, but I think I know what your problem is."

"Mmm?"

"You're not getting enough Naan bread," I say, interrupting with the solution. "More Naan, less heat, then you can save the beers for afters."

"Oh yeah!" the PFY smiles.

"I WAS GOING TO SAY," Karen interrupts, "that perhaps the problem is that weren't spending any QUALITY time with your ex, and any time you did spend with her you were drunk or asleep - neither of which are attractive in a partner!"

"I..." the PFY says in his defence.

"She has a point," I say. "So what I think you should do, is send her some flowers."

"Uh-huh," Karen agrees.

"Apologise in person the next day..."

"Mmmm."

"Say you've been a fool and perhaps you should start things on a clean slate..."

"Yes..." Karen adds

"And if she stoops to allow you a second chance you should shower her with gifts, attention and quality time so that she realises that you're a diamond in the rough and that she really is lucky to be with the new you."

"YES!" Karen nods approvingly.

"Then you dump her like the Boss-shagging piece of trash that she is!"

So it IS true what they say about being lucky in computing but unlucky in love. Something my testicles will be reminding me of until well after Karen's cleared her stuff out of my gaff then trashed the place - as an example to others...

Sigh. ®

BOFH is copyright © 1995-2005, Simon Travaglia. Don't mess with his rights.

Remote control for virtualized desktops

More from The Register

next story
Azure TITSUP caused by INFINITE LOOP
Fat fingered geo-block kept Aussies in the dark
NASA launches new climate model at SC14
75 days of supercomputing later ...
Yahoo! blames! MONSTER! email! OUTAGE! on! CUT! CABLE! bungle!
Weekend woe for BT as telco struggles to restore service
You think the CLOUD's insecure? It's BETTER than UK.GOV's DATA CENTRES
We don't even know where some of them ARE – Maude
BOFH: WHERE did this 'fax-enabled' printer UPGRADE come from?
Don't worry about that cable, it's part of the config
Want to STUFF Facebook with blatant ADVERTISING? Fine! But you must PAY
Pony up or push off, Zuck tells social marketeers
Astro-boffins start opening universe simulation data
Got a supercomputer? Want to simulate a universe? Here you go
prev story

Whitepapers

Why and how to choose the right cloud vendor
The benefits of cloud-based storage in your processes. Eliminate onsite, disk-based backup and archiving in favor of cloud-based data protection.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
How to determine if cloud backup is right for your servers
Two key factors, technical feasibility and TCO economics, that backup and IT operations managers should consider when assessing cloud backup.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Protecting against web application threats using SSL
SSL encryption can protect server‐to‐server communications, client devices, cloud resources, and other endpoints in order to help prevent the risk of data loss and losing customer trust.