Feeds

Man executes Chrysler

Reg salutes NRA hero

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

The Power of One Infographic

RoTM™ Newsflash Those readers who have written over the last couple of weeks to demand an update on the latest position regarding the Rise of the Machines™ should rest assured that tomorrow will see a new exposé on the burgeoning technical uprising which is so chilling that the text has been written in three separate parts by a trio of hacks working in isolation lest exposure to the full draft provoke a terminal traumatic stress incident.

In the meantime, members of the neoLuddite Resistance Army who have been following the chilling saga of murderous automobiles - including mephistopholean Renault Lagunas and break-dancing Citroens - are invited to raise their glasses to 64-year-old John McGivney who pulled a piece on his cantankerous Chrysler in Fort Lauderdale and pumped the Devil's machine full of lead.

Neighbours, clearly unaware of the great service McGivney was performing for future generations, duly called the police who slapped the cuffs on the NRA hero. When asked why he had put five .380 semiautomatic rounds into the Chrysler, McGivney replied: "I'm putting my car out of its misery."

After a short spell in the cells, a bailed and unrepentant McGivney declared: "I think every guy in the universe has wanted to do it. It was worth every damn minute in that jail."

Sir, we salute you. ®

The Rise of the Machines™

Rise of the man-eating cyberloo
Sobbing Frenchman recounts Renault Laguna terror ordeal
Fire-breathing bus attacks South London
Dyson unleashes self-replicating hoover
Battling teen crushes roboarm menace
French join motorised Lizard Alliance
Lizard Army develops copulating robot
We are Zogg: The Cuddly Menace
Lizard Army invades Alaska
London menaced by flaming DVD players
Killer hoover attacks Scotsman
Car self-destructs in assassination bid
The rise of the rat-brain controlled android
Japanese unveil trumpet-playing robot
Boffins unleash robotic cockroach
Ukrainian teen fights the Rise of the Machines
Man in satanic Renault terror ordeal
Killer cyberappliances: Satan implicated
US develops motorised robobollard
Killer cyberloo kidnaps kiddie
A robot in every home by 2010
Cyberappliances attack Italian village
Fire-breathing buses threaten London
Cyberloo blast rocks Stoke-on-Trent
Spanish cyberkiosks claim second victim
Cyberkiosk assaults Spanish teenager
Hi-tech toilet caught on camera
Hi-tech toilet swallows woman

Eight steps to building an HP BladeSystem

More from The Register

next story
Malaysian Airlines flight MH17 claimed lives of HIV/AIDS cure scientists
Researchers, advocates, health workers among those on shot-down plane
Forty-five years ago: FOOTPRINTS FOUND ON MOON
NASA won't be back any time soon, sadly
Mwa-ha-ha-ha! Eccentric billionaire Musk gets his PRIVATE SPACEPORT
In the Lone Star State, perhaps appropriately enough
MARS NEEDS OCEANS to support life - and so do exoplanets
Just being in the Goldilocks zone doesn't mean there'll be anyone to eat the porridge
The Sun took a day off last week and made NO sunspots
Someone needs to get that lazy star cooking again before things get cold around here
Diary note: Pluto's close-up is a year from … now!
New Horizons is less than a year from the dwarf planet
Boffins discuss AI space program at hush-hush IARPA confab
IBM, MIT, plenty of others invited to fill Uncle Sam's spy toolchest, but where's Google?
prev story

Whitepapers

Reducing security risks from open source software
Follow a few strategies and your organization can gain the full benefits of open source and the cloud without compromising the security of your applications.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
Application security programs and practises
Follow a few strategies and your organization can gain the full benefits of open source and the cloud without compromising the security of your applications.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.
Consolidation: the foundation for IT and business transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.