Feeds

Man executes Chrysler

Reg salutes NRA hero

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Build a business case: developing custom apps

RoTM™ Newsflash Those readers who have written over the last couple of weeks to demand an update on the latest position regarding the Rise of the Machines™ should rest assured that tomorrow will see a new exposé on the burgeoning technical uprising which is so chilling that the text has been written in three separate parts by a trio of hacks working in isolation lest exposure to the full draft provoke a terminal traumatic stress incident.

In the meantime, members of the neoLuddite Resistance Army who have been following the chilling saga of murderous automobiles - including mephistopholean Renault Lagunas and break-dancing Citroens - are invited to raise their glasses to 64-year-old John McGivney who pulled a piece on his cantankerous Chrysler in Fort Lauderdale and pumped the Devil's machine full of lead.

Neighbours, clearly unaware of the great service McGivney was performing for future generations, duly called the police who slapped the cuffs on the NRA hero. When asked why he had put five .380 semiautomatic rounds into the Chrysler, McGivney replied: "I'm putting my car out of its misery."

After a short spell in the cells, a bailed and unrepentant McGivney declared: "I think every guy in the universe has wanted to do it. It was worth every damn minute in that jail."

Sir, we salute you. ®

The Rise of the Machines™

Rise of the man-eating cyberloo
Sobbing Frenchman recounts Renault Laguna terror ordeal
Fire-breathing bus attacks South London
Dyson unleashes self-replicating hoover
Battling teen crushes roboarm menace
French join motorised Lizard Alliance
Lizard Army develops copulating robot
We are Zogg: The Cuddly Menace
Lizard Army invades Alaska
London menaced by flaming DVD players
Killer hoover attacks Scotsman
Car self-destructs in assassination bid
The rise of the rat-brain controlled android
Japanese unveil trumpet-playing robot
Boffins unleash robotic cockroach
Ukrainian teen fights the Rise of the Machines
Man in satanic Renault terror ordeal
Killer cyberappliances: Satan implicated
US develops motorised robobollard
Killer cyberloo kidnaps kiddie
A robot in every home by 2010
Cyberappliances attack Italian village
Fire-breathing buses threaten London
Cyberloo blast rocks Stoke-on-Trent
Spanish cyberkiosks claim second victim
Cyberkiosk assaults Spanish teenager
Hi-tech toilet caught on camera
Hi-tech toilet swallows woman

Boost IT visibility and business value

More from The Register

next story
Just TWO climate committee MPs contradict IPCC: The two with SCIENCE degrees
'Greenhouse effect is real, but as for the rest of it ...'
Asteroid's DINO KILLING SPREE just bad luck – boffins
Sauricide WASN'T inevitable, reckon scientists
Flamewars in SPAAACE: cooler fires hint at energy efficiency
Experiment aboard ISS shows we should all chill out for cleaner engines
Brit amateur payload set to complete full circle around PLANET EARTH
Ultralight solar radio tracker in glorious 25,000km almost-space odyssey
NASA Mars rover FINALLY equals 1973 Soviet benchmark
Yet to surpass ancient Greek one, however
Famous 'Dish' radio telescope to be emptied in budget crisis: CSIRO
Radio astronomy suffering to protect Square Kilometre Array
BEST BATTERY EVER: All lithium, all the time, plus a dash of carbon nano-stuff
We have found the Holy Grail (of batteries) - boffins
prev story

Whitepapers

Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.
Why and how to choose the right cloud vendor
The benefits of cloud-based storage in your processes. Eliminate onsite, disk-based backup and archiving in favor of cloud-based data protection.
The Essential Guide to IT Transformation
ServiceNow discusses three IT transformations that can help CIO's automate IT services to transform IT and the enterprise.
Maximize storage efficiency across the enterprise
The HP StoreOnce backup solution offers highly flexible, centrally managed, and highly efficient data protection for any enterprise.