Feeds

UK gov seeks rocket-launching cigarette expert

Now pay attention, 007

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

5 things you didn’t know about cloud backup

If you've got a penchant for gyrocopters, rocket-launching cigarettes and exploding boli - and further don't mind working in Milton Keynes - then the UK government has just the job for you.

Her Majesty's Secret Service is looking to replace its current Q, Dr John Widdowson, and has taken the unusual step of advertising for the post. Exact requirements for the mission are secret, says the Guardian, so you'll need to apply to find out exactly what the well-appointed 21st century spook needs to combat the modern Blofeld menace.*

Of course, Bond aficionados will already know that a passing resemblance to either Desmond Llewelyn or John Cleese, coupled to the ability to say "Now pay attention, 007" in a world-weary tone, are likely to be essential prerequisites for the job.

In return for allowing James Bond to invariably trash your lovingly-crafted spy kit, you'll get a salary of between £90-£100k, a budget of £27m and a staff of 425. Which, we reckon, is plenty of cash and manpower to improve on the jetpack, the teargas-dispensing attaché case and the ne'er-do-well-ejecting Aston Martin.

And, should you find yourself craving a little excitement in Milton Keynes of an evening, you can always nip down the local boozer and take the fruit machine for 200 quid using the legendary Electro-Magnetic RPM Controller before ogling the local talent with your x-ray specs. ®

* Possibly a device to warn the apprentice 007 that he has just left his briefcase packed with cheese sandwiches and details of the UK's missile defence system in a Whitehall pub following a particularly robust "debriefing" session?

Related stories

No, Mr Bond, I expect you to die
MI5 does not assassinate: official
Leaked James Bond script is kosher

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

More from The Register

next story
6 Obvious Reasons Why Facebook Will Ban This Article (Thank God)
Clampdown on clickbait ... and El Reg is OK with this
No, thank you. I will not code for the Caliphate
Some assignments, even the Bongster decline must
Kaspersky backpedals on 'done nothing wrong, nothing to fear' blather
Founder (and internet passport fan) now says privacy is precious
TROLL SLAYER Google grabs $1.3 MEEELLION in patent counter-suit
Chocolate Factory hits back at firm for suing customers
Mozilla's 'Tiles' ads debut in new Firefox nightlies
You can try turning them off and on again
Facebook, Google and Instagram 'worse than drugs' says Miley Cyrus
Italian boffins agree with popette's theory that haters are the real wrecking balls
Sit tight, fanbois. Apple's '$400' wearable release slips into early 2015
Sources: time to put in plenty of clock-watching for' iWatch
Facebook to let stalkers unearth buried posts with mobe search
Prepare to HAUNT your pal's back catalogue
prev story

Whitepapers

Endpoint data privacy in the cloud is easier than you think
Innovations in encryption and storage resolve issues of data privacy and key requirements for companies to look for in a solution.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Advanced data protection for your virtualized environments
Find a natural fit for optimizing protection for the often resource-constrained data protection process found in virtual environments.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.
Next gen security for virtualised datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.