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Now pay attention, 007

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If you've got a penchant for gyrocopters, rocket-launching cigarettes and exploding boli - and further don't mind working in Milton Keynes - then the UK government has just the job for you.

Her Majesty's Secret Service is looking to replace its current Q, Dr John Widdowson, and has taken the unusual step of advertising for the post. Exact requirements for the mission are secret, says the Guardian, so you'll need to apply to find out exactly what the well-appointed 21st century spook needs to combat the modern Blofeld menace.*

Of course, Bond aficionados will already know that a passing resemblance to either Desmond Llewelyn or John Cleese, coupled to the ability to say "Now pay attention, 007" in a world-weary tone, are likely to be essential prerequisites for the job.

In return for allowing James Bond to invariably trash your lovingly-crafted spy kit, you'll get a salary of between £90-£100k, a budget of £27m and a staff of 425. Which, we reckon, is plenty of cash and manpower to improve on the jetpack, the teargas-dispensing attaché case and the ne'er-do-well-ejecting Aston Martin.

And, should you find yourself craving a little excitement in Milton Keynes of an evening, you can always nip down the local boozer and take the fruit machine for 200 quid using the legendary Electro-Magnetic RPM Controller before ogling the local talent with your x-ray specs. ®

* Possibly a device to warn the apprentice 007 that he has just left his briefcase packed with cheese sandwiches and details of the UK's missile defence system in a Whitehall pub following a particularly robust "debriefing" session?

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