Feeds

UK gov seeks rocket-launching cigarette expert

Now pay attention, 007

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Intelligent flash storage arrays

If you've got a penchant for gyrocopters, rocket-launching cigarettes and exploding boli - and further don't mind working in Milton Keynes - then the UK government has just the job for you.

Her Majesty's Secret Service is looking to replace its current Q, Dr John Widdowson, and has taken the unusual step of advertising for the post. Exact requirements for the mission are secret, says the Guardian, so you'll need to apply to find out exactly what the well-appointed 21st century spook needs to combat the modern Blofeld menace.*

Of course, Bond aficionados will already know that a passing resemblance to either Desmond Llewelyn or John Cleese, coupled to the ability to say "Now pay attention, 007" in a world-weary tone, are likely to be essential prerequisites for the job.

In return for allowing James Bond to invariably trash your lovingly-crafted spy kit, you'll get a salary of between £90-£100k, a budget of £27m and a staff of 425. Which, we reckon, is plenty of cash and manpower to improve on the jetpack, the teargas-dispensing attaché case and the ne'er-do-well-ejecting Aston Martin.

And, should you find yourself craving a little excitement in Milton Keynes of an evening, you can always nip down the local boozer and take the fruit machine for 200 quid using the legendary Electro-Magnetic RPM Controller before ogling the local talent with your x-ray specs. ®

* Possibly a device to warn the apprentice 007 that he has just left his briefcase packed with cheese sandwiches and details of the UK's missile defence system in a Whitehall pub following a particularly robust "debriefing" session?

Related stories

No, Mr Bond, I expect you to die
MI5 does not assassinate: official
Leaked James Bond script is kosher

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

More from The Register

next story
The 'fun-nification' of computer education – good idea?
Compulsory code schools, luvvies love it, but what about Maths and Physics?
Facebook, Apple: LADIES! Why not FREEZE your EGGS? It's on the company!
No biological clockwatching when you work in Silicon Valley
Lords take revenge on REVENGE PORN publishers
Jilted Johns and Jennies with busy fingers face two years inside
Happiness economics is bollocks. Oh, UK.gov just adopted it? Er ...
Opportunity doesn't knock; it costs us instead
Ex-US Navy fighter pilot MIT prof: Drones beat humans - I should know
'Missy' Cummings on UAVs, smartcars and dying from boredom
Yes, yes, Steve Jobs. Look what I'VE done for you lately – Tim Cook
New iPhone biz baron points to Apple's (his) greatest successes
Sysadmin with EBOLA? Gartner's issued advice to debug your biz
Start hoarding cleaning supplies, analyst firm says, and assume your team will scatter
Edward who? GCHQ boss dodges Snowden topic during last speech
UK spies would rather 'walk' than do 'mass surveillance'
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Why and how to choose the right cloud vendor
The benefits of cloud-based storage in your processes. Eliminate onsite, disk-based backup and archiving in favor of cloud-based data protection.
Three 1TB solid state scorchers up for grabs
Big SSDs can be expensive but think big and think free because you could be the lucky winner of one of three 1TB Samsung SSD 840 EVO drives that we’re giving away worth over £300 apiece.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.