Feeds

Apple founder Jobs joins IKEA

From flatpack to backpack - we reveal the designs

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Build a business case: developing custom apps

April Fool Special IKEA's flatpack days may soon be a distant memory, as Apple and Pixar founder Steve Jobs turns to his latest challenge. Inter IKEA Systems BV will employ Jobs as "acting CEO", from next month. The technology icon will maintain his twin CEO roles at Apple Computer Inc. and Pixar Inc. but will also take command with a wide-ranging brief at the retail giant. For the technology guru, it's just another job, but for the Swedish furnishing franchise, it's a massive gamble. IKEA had a turnover of €13 billion last year, and has over 200 stores worldwide.

For Jobs, who has no furniture at all in his Palo Alto house, it's an opportunity to reinvent an industry once again. Exclusive mock-ups of his first designs have been obtained by The Register.

Apple fans won't be disappointed. Jobs has convinced the Apple board to second the computer company's award-winning design team to work for IKEA, and in a unique licensing agreement, the results will bear the Apple logo.

Jobs' new designs win over a sceptical Swedish boardroom
In magical metal furniture we trust: Jobs wins over a sceptical Swedish boardroom

Amongst the most controversial ideas to be introduced is a radical twist on a classic concept, the "Torquemada". Intended to be the heart of the new IKEA home, the Torquemada brings a Jobs twist to the very idea of sitting comfortably.

Straight to the point: IKEA/Apple's welcoming Torquemada
Steve wants you to sit comfortably...

Reaction from confidants has been univerally positive.

"Before me," writes Walt Mossberg of the Wall Street Journal in a draft obtained by The Register, "is the most beautiful chair I have seen in 25 years of sitting on chairs. It's another triumph for Jobs. Will that do, Steve?"

"At last, a chair with a point!" punned the New York Times punning technology pundit, David Pogue.

And most controversially, is the "Bönö" - a titanium object in the shape of a crucifix which emits a high pitched whine when approached.

Bono
The 'Bono' is in demand all over the world.

The UN's development agency has already purchased 500 for use in Africa, where experts believe it can end droughts.

A desert yesterday - a river today.
The 'Bono' turns desert into a river, say sources close to IKEA

Jobs has also plans to revolutionize IKEA store layout. The successful dense walkthrough floorplan will be discarded for a new, open plan approach based on Apple's retail stores. Instead of offering shoppers a choice of thousands of products, IKEA stores will offer just three to begin with: the Bono, the Torquemada and the "Fukka".

Jobs has other plans to shake-up the retail chain.

In every Mac home, a Waenker
In every Mac home, a Waenka

To the relief of many, the flatpack self-assembly aesthetic will be replaced by high margin, ready-assembled furniture. Packaging for a wardrobe codenamed "Waenka" wardrobe, obtained by The Register, shows that Apple's attention to detail seen in its lavish product packaging has not been lost.

And don't expect the famous IKEA canteen to escape the Jobs makeover. Out go the celebrated Swedish meatballs - Jobs is a fruitarian - to be replaced by a thin miso soup garnished by a solitary piece of carrot or tofu: food best enjoyed while sitting on a "Torquemada".

Jobs is believed to have won over the phlegmatic Swedes with his legendary charm. "It's time this f***ing business of mass mutha****ing furnishing moved from the f***ing Altair era of f***ing self-f***ing assembly, to the Apple II era," he told the board.

A new future awaits us. and it's so inviting, we can hardly wait to be in it. ®

Boost IT visibility and business value

More from The Register

next story
Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?
Local UK gov outs most ridiculous FoI requests...
Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD
'Officers were unable to determine Chicken's intent'
Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!
Put it away boys. Cover them up ladies. Your credit cards, we mean
Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'
US court hears of cached browser image - not actual request
Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people
They're a future source of RENEWABLE ENERGY
Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty
Sales of traditional brekkie foods soar as hungry folk get their mitts greasy
Nuts to your poncey hipster coffees, I want a TESLA ELECTRO-CAFE
Examining the frothy disconnect in indie cafe culture
Ex-Apple man Sam Sung - for it is he - sticks namebadge on eBay
Stump up via tat bazaar, do a good thing for ill kids
Check your Clungene, Irish women warned
Have a quick shufti, you may not be pregnant after all
prev story

Whitepapers

Endpoint data privacy in the cloud is easier than you think
Innovations in encryption and storage resolve issues of data privacy and key requirements for companies to look for in a solution.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Top 8 considerations to enable and simplify mobility
In this whitepaper learn how to successfully add mobile capabilities simply and cost effectively.
Solving today's distributed Big Data backup challenges
Enable IT efficiency and allow a firm to access and reuse corporate information for competitive advantage, ultimately changing business outcomes.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.