Fire-breathing bus attacks South London

Hysterical Londoners flee renewed assault

By Lester Haines • Get more from this author

Posted in Rise of the Machines, 14th March 2005 14:27 GMT

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Hysterical Londoners were last week subjected to a further terrifying ordeal after another Satanic bendy bus caught fire prompting immediate evacuation of the murderous vehicle.

We say terrifying not because the incident was in any way life-threatening, but because the attack was timed to cause maximum emotional distress - the articulated single-decker was at the time in New Cross, which means that the victims were obliged to spend longer in the sun-kissed South London paradise than absolutely necessary. Nasty.

Regular readers will recall that three bendy buses last year spontaneously combusted, provoking a temporary withdrawal of the entire fleet. The cause was later attributed to "a hose used in the bus engines", as the BBC rather vaguely puts it.

The suicidal omnibus (route 436, bus enthusiasts will be interested to note) has been "taken to a garage for inspection". We have no doubt that bendy bus champion "Red" Ken Livingstone will be waiting to once again cover up the real reason for the outrage and silence any witnesses in the traditional manner - by offering them a lifelong exemption from congestion charges and a family pass for the London Eye.

We take this opportunity to once again warn readers about the bendy bus menace and to demand the immediate redeployment of Routemasters across the capital. ®