Those of us who like a few pints already know that beer fights cancer (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/01/20/beer_fights_cancer/) and is an absolute life-saver (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/01/31/avalanche_escape/) in an avalanche emergency situation, but what about the apparently proven effect of ale on the old waistline, eh?

After all, anyone who has ever been on a package holiday to the Spanish costas can attest to the terrifying expansion of the British male's belly in response to a few hundred gallons of San Miguel...

Or maybe not. A new campaign by the British Beer and Pub Association (BBPA), as reported on the BBC (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/4329323.stm), highlights the most satisfying fact that beer in reality has less calories than wine, milk or orange juice - 41, 77, 64 and 42 per cent per 100ml, respectively.

What actually causes the beer belly is the overwhelming desire to partake of an enormous kebab or plate of curry after a particularly robust session, the BBPA says. This is true, although the BBPA is not taking in account something else all beer-drinkers know: that doner kebabs combat male pattern baldness and curry increases attractiveness to the opposite sex.

Which is why people who prefer wine are invariably bald and single - despite having a waistline like Calista Flockhart. ®

US brewer adds caffeine to beer (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/02/07/caffeine_beer/)
Man urinates his way out of avalanche (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/01/31/avalanche_escape/)
Beer fights cancer: official (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/01/20/beer_fights_cancer/)