Those of us who like a few pints already know that beer fights cancer and is an absolute life-saver in an avalanche emergency situation, but what about the apparently proven effect of ale on the old waistline, eh?

After all, anyone who has ever been on a package holiday to the Spanish costas can attest to the terrifying expansion of the British male's belly in response to a few hundred gallons of San Miguel...

What actually causes the beer belly is the overwhelming desire to partake of an enormous kebab or plate of curry after a particularly robust session, the BBPA says. This is true, although the BBPA is not taking in account something else all beer-drinkers know: that doner kebabs combat male pattern baldness and curry increases attractiveness to the opposite sex.

Which is why people who prefer wine are invariably bald and single - despite having a waistline like Calista Flockhart. ®

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