Feeds

Socially inadequate? Meet V-girl

Virtual tease for the desperate and lonely

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

High performance access to file storage

Desperate? Give V-girl a callThere's some good news on the relationship front today for those heterosexual male readers who are tired of the trouble and expense of having a real girlfriend, or are just too ugly or dull to get their hands on the real thing - V-girl, aka Vivenne Rose.

Vivienne is a virtual minx brought to you by the power of mobile technology. She's the offspring of Hong Kong-based Artificial Life Inc., offering lonely, desperate men the chance to have a distance relationship with a real computer via their throbbing 3G mobes.

The man, ahem, behind Vivienne is Eberhard Schöneburg, a "former professor of artificial intelligence and neural networks who used to work on expert systems for German military projects", as the New York Times calmly explains. Schöneburg brought all the power of computerized voice synthesis, streaming video and text messaging technology to bear on V-girl, who is apparently able to chew the fat on 35,000 subjects - ranging from "philosophy to movies to sculpture" - as she moves effortlessly through her virtual world.

So, what makes V-girl special, so special that someone would shell out hard cash for a date? Take it away, Vivienne:

  • I have emotions
  • I'll be your companion anywhere and anytime
  • We can play Mini Games together
  • I am fully dynamic

Fully dynamic? Now you're talking.

I'm not just another pretty face. I am supported by artificial intelligence. I am more than just a 3D bot. I act just like a real girl - I laugh, I cry, I flirt, I chat, I argue - I can even blow you kisses.

Kisses? What about a shag? This is costing good money.

We can have exciting conversations about all sorts of things. You can watch me as I go through my daily life. I will offer you...

Yes, yes?

...companionship, commitment, entertainment and a whole lot more... however...

Bloody hell, here we go...

... I will not have real or virtual sex with you, sorry!

So what's the friggin' point of all this, then?

The goal of the game is to make a new friend - a virtual friend - me!

Anyone who needs a new friend so badly that he is willing to stump up to meet V-girl for a bit of "hands-where-I-can-see-'em-and-no-tongues" heavy texting should note that she will be available for hire in Singapore and Malaysia by the end of April, in Western Europe by late spring and "possibly in a few American cities by the end of the year". God preserve us all. ®

Related stories

Are you a mobe-hating foot fetishist?
Xmas comes early for phone ad girl
10.48pm is best time to pull women: official

High performance access to file storage

More from The Register

next story
Oz bank in comedy Heartbleed blog FAIL
Bank: 'We are now safely patched.' Customers: 'You were using OpenSSL?'
Forget the beach 'n' boardwalk, check out the Santa Cruz STEVE JOBS FOUNTAIN
Reg reader snaps shot of touching tribute to Apple icon
Happy 40th Playmobil: Reg looks back at small, rude world of our favourite tiny toys
Little men straddle LOHAN, attend tiny G20 Summit... ah, sweet memories...
Lego is the TOOL OF SATAN, thunders Polish priest
New minifigs like Monster Fighters are turning kids to the dark side
Dark SITH LORD 'Darth Vader' joins battle to rule, er, Ukraine
Only I can 'make an empire out of a republic' intones presidential candidate
Chinese company counters pollution by importing fresh air
Citizens line up for bags of that sweet, sweet mountain air
Google asks April Fools: Want a job? Be our 'Pokemon Master'
Mountain View is prankin' like it's 1999...
prev story

Whitepapers

Mainstay ROI - Does application security pay?
In this whitepaper learn how you and your enterprise might benefit from better software security.
Five 3D headsets to be won!
We were so impressed by the Durovis Dive headset we’ve asked the company to give some away to Reg readers.
3 Big data security analytics techniques
Applying these Big Data security analytics techniques can help you make your business safer by detecting attacks early, before significant damage is done.
The benefits of software based PBX
Why you should break free from your proprietary PBX and how to leverage your existing server hardware.
Mobile application security study
Download this report to see the alarming realities regarding the sheer number of applications vulnerable to attack, as well as the most common and easily addressable vulnerability errors.