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Email app outfit FamilyMail has released an idiot-proof email program which is "specifically designed for parents who do not use email and are concerned about computer security".

What FamilyMail 8.3 is actually designed to do is let your granny - who still believes that if there is no bulb in the bulb holder and the switch is on then electricity will leak from said holder - to interface with technology.

Indeed, FamilyMail's blurb notes: "Many senior citizens avoid learning to use a computer because they're overwhelmed by the complexities or just do not want to spend time learning how. FamilyMail allows these people to cross the digital divide and stay in contact with the younger generations."

The programme can be installed by "children or grandchildren with average computer skills". It then "bypasses confusing Windows logon procedures, and simply dials the Internet and downloads email".

Simple as that. Presumably, FamilyMail immediately thereafter offers alerts such as "YOU'VE GOT MAIL, DEAR. YES, EMAIL. ON THE COMPUTER" and "LET'S STICK THE KETTLE ON FOR A NICE CUPPA BEFORE DOWNLOADING THIS TROJAN, SHALL WE?"

You can buy FamilyMail v.8.3 online for $29.90 or €29.90 at http://www.familymail.com. Rich Tea biscuits are not included. ®

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