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Microsoft's Ballmer beat off Asian genital challenge

More truth in jest

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Internet Security Threat Report 2014

We've all wanted to say it. "Hey, Steve Ballmer, Why don't you suck my tiny yellow balls?"

Only the chosen few, however, get the chance to flaunt their undercarriage in front of Microsoft's CEO. One of these chosen few was Hiroshi Yamauchi - the former CEO of Nintendo - who apparently told Ballmer to taste his tadpoles, during a meeting between the two executives. Or so we learnt via the self-correcting blogosphere this week.

"I wanted to offend them, to show them something about Japanese Pride," Yamauchi recounts, in an interview. "Please, write Pride with a capital P when you transcribe this, thank you. Pride. So I saw that the translators were unreliable and was going to kick them out when I noticed Ballmer smiling and mouthing the word 'yellow' to his assistant. They thought this was a joke . . . Well, that did it. I stood on my chair and put my hands around mouth to amplify my voice, see, and said, in English, slowly and forming the words very carefully - HEY, BALLMER, WHY DON'T YOU SUCK MY TINY YELLOW BALLS?"

Shocking? Well, yes.

Even more gripping statements from Yamauchi can be found in a Wired interview due out in the February issue of the magazine. At least, that would be the case if the interview were real.

A Spanish gaming site put up the faux interview and word spread rapidly.Bloggers and less reputable news sites jumped on the chance to expose Ballmer's ball episode.

The fake page does have a realistic look to it, complete with a flashy cover graphic. It's said to be written by Jack Gleason, a 28-year-old freelancer.

Both Nintendo and Wired told The Register that no such interview with Nintendo's former CEO actually took place and that no article will be appearing in next month's issue of the magazine. Still, we can dream. Were the interview real, we'd all be chuckling as Yamauchi compared Sony's game consoles to a penis and took shots at Italians.

"For instance, he didn't want to give Jumpman (aka Mario) a moustache (sic) because the (sic) thought it made Jumpman look like Hitler," the CEO didn't actually say. "But I told him, Jumpman is Italian, Italians are hairy, he needs a moustache, and so what if some idiots think he looks like Hitler?"

That's the spirit.

Despite the fictional nature of this interview, there's truth in jest. The interview draws on a history of Microsoft driven Asian angst that results from both cultural and economic clashes between consumer electronics giants and the software monopoly. Sony has been one of few Microsoft global rivals with, er, big enough balls to stand up to the Beast - and certainly the only Windows licensee. Panasonic has also faced Ballmer, after the CEO mocked Asian companies' use of Linux on portable devices. Microsoft's bloated code isn't always welcome in a land that loves small, sleek devices. ®

Related stories

Panasonic braves Linux-inspired wrath of Ballmer
Use Linux and you will be sued, Ballmer tells governments
Novell fires counterblast at Ballmer Linux summary

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

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