The Register®

Original URL: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2004/12/24/killer_dyson/

Killer hoover attacks Scotsman

Big compensation for Dyson victim

By Lester Haines

Posted in Rise of the Machines, 24th December 2004 12:10 GMT

Free whitepaper – Solid State Drives and High-Speed Memory

An Aberdeen man has won more than £10k in compensation from vacuum cleaner outfit Dyson after one of the manufacturer's machines attempted to total the 59-year-old, the Scotsman [1] reports.

Norman Grant told Aberdeen Sheriff Court how on 3 March 2002, as he was trying to tackle "high cobwebs" at his home, the hose extension "suddenly knocked him down his stairs". Grant suffered wrist and head injuries in the incident, exact details of which are not forthcoming.

Grant came face-to-face with the homicidal machine for a second time when he went to court to plead for damages. In the event, he settled for a unnamed sum understood to be in excess of £10,000.

A Dyson spokeswoman noted: "This was a peculiar and isolated incident. Generali, the insurance company, handled the case."

Dyson may believe that this is a "peculiar and isolated" case of spontaneous and murderous machine intelligence, but we at El Reg know better. Readers are advised to keep all electrical domestic appliances under lock and key this Xmas, lest they take advantage of the drunken Yule debauch to launch a concerted and co-ordinated attack on humanity. Be safe out there. ®

Bootnote

An Xmas ta very much to Mark Wylie for monitoring the killer hoover situation.

The Rise of the Machines™

Car self-destructs in assassination bid [2]
The rise of the rat-brain controlled android [3]
Japanese unveil trumpet-playing robot [4]
Boffins unleash robotic cockroach [5]
Ukrainian teen fights the Rise of the Machines [6]
Man in satanic Renault terror ordeal [7]
Killer cyberappliances: Satan implicated [8]
US develops motorised robobollard [9]
Killer cyberloo kidnaps kiddie [10]
A robot in every home by 2010 [11]
Cyberappliances attack Italian village [12]
Fire-breathing buses threaten London [13]
Cyberloo blast rocks Stoke-on-Trent [14]
Spanish cyberkiosks claim second victim [15]
Cyberkiosk assaults Spanish teenager [16]
Hi-tech toilet caught on camera [17]
Hi-tech toilet swallows woman [18]