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Patriotic bloggers finish Segway across America trek

Sanity rejoices

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Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Like sloths moving through the rainforest canopy, the Merry Bloggers have made it from Washington to Massachusetts on their Segways and accomplished their dream.

It took 100 days, 409 battery changes and 3,988 miles to get Josh Caldwell from the West Coast to the East Coast at 10 mph. Caldwell and several coconspirators are the first people to travel across the US on a Segway scooter, as far as we know, making them modern day dynamos beyond compare. Amazing! Awesome! Brave! Inane!

Imagine a twenty-something coasting along back roads on his Segway with iPod and cellphone in hand. An SUV follows behind him filled with a cache of batteries and people who say things like "content production" instead of filming or writing. That's team Merry Blogger, and it's no more impressive now than it was back in August.

Over the past three months, the Merry Bloggers have been peppered with press - almost all of which they owe to The Register for drawing attention to them in the first place. Apparently, MSNBC, the New York Times and the Abilene Reflector-Chronicle all find standing up on a scooter for 1,000 hours to be a really impressive feat.

Sure, the Merry Bloggers collected video along their route, met some interesting people and blogged like there was no tomorrow. Content production at its finest in this desperate age. The team, however, wasn't worthy of such prodigious press coverage. Maybe if they had committed mass murders along the way. That would have been something - a nationwide police chase at 10 mph.

Instead, we're left with much of nothing. Just a few humpbacked globbers on wheels begging for attention.

In related news, Horrified Observers of Pedestrian Entertainment or HOPE is offering to dole out real albums from the likes of Elvis Costello and The Ramones to people who will turn in their Ashlee Simpson albums. Elsewhere, a new cellphone smashing fetish appears to be gaining steam. ®

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Segway LLC imagines futuristic four-wheeled vehicle
Attack of the Segway-riding Finnish Penguin bloggers
Mac-addled Segway users crush the American Dream
The Merry Bloggers set out on 'Segway across America' trek
The Segway: glorified scooter or democracy on wheels?
Segway owners beat each other with homemade mallets
Segways banned from happiest place on Earth
Could Segways replace soldiers as hired killers?
Toddler wounded in Segway hit-and-run
Police grab Wang in covert Segway opp

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