Feeds

US must be carved like a turkey - pundits

Death of a nation

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Eight steps to building an HP BladeSystem

The headlines say it all. "Man celebrates Bush win with suicide " - "Pubic hair prince set to rule Supreme Court " - "Air travelers to get peanuts and blasts with stun guns."

While W. is claiming a mandate, world+dog appears less assured that a cohesive unity of thought is sweeping the nation. Most notably, calls for secession have reached an all-time high with groups of different shapes and sizes hoping to cleave themselves off from the rest of the idiots.

The Register, for example, has received the exclusive secession blueprint of the New Democrat Outreach Program (NDOP). This plan calls for the well taken care of liberals in the Blue States to unite and let the Red States fend for themselves.

"Perhaps, when you see how dreary your lives have become without us, you will finally develop the spine to fight for your basic, human rights," NDOP writes. "And then we will gladly confront the plutocracy alongside you. We need your help to defeat the Blue Republicans, who, I assure you, are just as decadent as we are, though often richer."

"But until you finally learn to respect yourselves, we can't respect you, and we therefore can't be bothered to give a rat's ass about you."

Another popular secession proposal making the rounds comes from a group hoping to divide the upper two-thirds of North America into the United States of Canada and Jesusland. This plan, much like the first, makes use of the fissure forged between the rich, coastal elites and happily downtrodden folks in middle America. A map depicting the new North America can be seen here.

Neither of these plans, however, takes Mexico into consideration, and that's where Charles Truxillo, a professor of Chicano studies at the University of New Mexico, steps in.

Truxillo is calling for the creation of the Republica del Norte - a new nation that would consist of California, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas and southern Colorado, along with parts of northern Mexico. This state could have Los Angeles as its capital.

"It's not unfeasible as a premise -- and a realistic possibility when you consider global geopolitical trends," Truxillo said, according to the Albuquerque Tribune. "It could happen with the support of the U.S. government."

Remember the Alamo and all that, right.

One idea making its way around Vulture Central calls for a new Taiwanese state in the US. Wouldn't it be something to see Chinese immigrants takeover, say, Maine and then pledge their allegiance to Taiwan. Cheap electronics. Fast delivery times. Bulk loads of high-quality porn. Now we're talking. ®

Related stories

Circling the wagons: the net politics of exclusion
Reach out and sneer: Dem radicals speak to the Red States
How organized religion, not net religion, won it for Bush
Nerd party needed to replace 'left-wing' Democrats, says area man

Reducing security risks from open source software

More from The Register

next story
Motorist 'thought car had caught fire' as Adele track came on stereo
'FIRE' caption on dashboard prompts dunderheaded hard shoulder halt
Delaware pair nabbed for getting saucy atop Mexican eatery
Burrito meets soft taco in alleged rooftop romp outrage
Japanese artist cuffed for disseminating 3D ladyparts files
Printable genitalia fall foul of 'obscene material' laws
Carlos: Slim your working week to just three days of toil
'Midas World' vision suggests you retire later, watch more tellie and buy more stuff
Brit Rockall adventurer poised to quit islet
Occupation records broken, champagne corks popped
Apple: No, China. iPhone is NOT public enemy number 1
Beijing fears it could beam secrets back to America
Canuck reader threatens suicide over exact dimensions of SPAAAACE!
How many As? Reg hack's writing cops a shoeing
prev story

Whitepapers

Reducing security risks from open source software
Follow a few strategies and your organization can gain the full benefits of open source and the cloud without compromising the security of your applications.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
Application security programs and practises
Follow a few strategies and your organization can gain the full benefits of open source and the cloud without compromising the security of your applications.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.
Consolidation: the foundation for IT and business transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.