Feeds

10.48pm is best time to pull women: official

XXX insights from mobile Q&A outfit

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

3 Big data security analytics techniques

The whole of the UK has apparently been abuzz this week about AQA - the "any question answered" SMS service which delivers solutions to complex queries straight to your mobe.

Yup, for a quid a pop you too can put your mind to rest about such matters as "Whats better for me - a banana or a bowl of broccoli?" or "What is an intermediate vector boson and how much does it weigh?"*

But it's not these posers which alerted the Brit media to AQA - it's the fact that the service has identified a significant spike in sex-related questions at 10.48pm. Messages received include "Am I looking hot 2night?" and "Am I going to have sex with the bird next to me?", to which the answers are "Mate you're more than hot. You're sizzling. You're so hot you may well be the cause of global warming" and "If you are confident, friendly and polite you will be able to charm anyone, even the girl next to you", respectively.

The 10.48pm peak is hardly news, however, as any self-respecting Brit knows. With a mere twelve minutes left to get the vodka and Red Bulls in, and beer goggles firmly on, the desperate lone male will do pretty well anything to score - including, it seems, asking a txt Q&A service about the best way to get his rocks off. Still, the TV and tabloids love it and it's all cash in the bank for AQA.

But one question remains: can AQA deliver responses to real, mission-critical queries? When El Reg first reported on the service back in April, Andrew Orlowski asked: "Let us know how it shapes up. If it does, pub quizzes and school exams may never be the same again."

Accordingly, we decided to pitch AQA a quickie. Resisting the temptation to ask "What's the best brothel within a ten-minute walk of All Bar One and can I pay by credit card?" we opted for the pretty straightforward: "What's the best UK IT news site?"

No more than two minutes later came the reply: "Depending on what area of IT you are interested in, the best UK IT website could be one of quite a few..."

Yes, yes, we gasped, scrolling frantically down the screen.

"...Try www.compinfo.co.uk and www.eweek.com"

With which this plug for AQA is terminated. ®

Bootnote

*The answers given were: "Broccoli is said to have the highest nutritional value of any food, with as much calcium per unit weight as milk, and plenty of vitamins and fibre", and "Intermediate vector bosons are the quantum exchange particles of the weak nuclear interaction, one of 4 fundamental forces of nature. Two types, W , charge (+/-), mass=80.4 Giga electron Volts, and Z , Charge (0), Mass=91.2GeV." Any corrections to these should be directed to AQA.

Related stories

Former Symbian, Psion boss answers all your questions
Mobile porn is a 'time bomb'
Forget dogging, here comes toothing
RU lonesum tonite?

3 Big data security analytics techniques

More from The Register

next story
Virgin Media so, so SORRY for turning spam fire-hose on its punters
Hundreds of emails flood inboxes thanks to gaffe
AT&T dangles gigabit broadband plans over 100 US cities
So soon after a mulled Google Fiber expansion, fancy that
AT&T threatens to pull out of FCC wireless auctions over purchase limits
Company wants ability to buy more spectrum space in auction
EE & Vodafone will let you BONK on the TUBE – with Boris' blessing
Transport for London: You can pay, but don't touch
NBN Co plans fibre-to-the-basement blitz to beat cherry-pickers
Heading off at the pass operation given same priority as blackspot fixing
NBN Co in 'broadband kit we tested worked' STUNNER
Announcement of VDSL trial is not proof of concept for fibre-to-the-node
Google eyes business service in latest Fiber trials
Lucky Kansas City buggers to host yet another pilot program
Huawei exec: 'Word of mouth' will beat Apple and Samsung in Europe
World Mobile Telephone Factory No.3 won't fling the big bucks around just yet
Brazilian president signs internet civil rights law
Marco Civil bill enshines 'net neutrality', 'privacy' as law
prev story

Whitepapers

Securing web applications made simple and scalable
In this whitepaper learn how automated security testing can provide a simple and scalable way to protect your web applications.
3 Big data security analytics techniques
Applying these Big Data security analytics techniques can help you make your business safer by detecting attacks early, before significant damage is done.
The benefits of software based PBX
Why you should break free from your proprietary PBX and how to leverage your existing server hardware.
Mainstay ROI - Does application security pay?
In this whitepaper learn how you and your enterprise might benefit from better software security.
Combat fraud and increase customer satisfaction
Based on their experience using HP ArcSight Enterprise Security Manager for IT security operations, Finansbank moved to HP ArcSight ESM for fraud management.