Feeds

Boffin hits it big with breast-enlarging ringtone

Dial M for mammaries

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Reducing the cost and complexity of web vulnerability management

Long-term readers will certainly recall the heartwarming tale of mammarily-challenged student Michel, the US lass who launched an online appeal to raise cash for surgery to transform her "itty-bitty boobies to big tatas!"

Well, she needn't have bothered, because a Japanese man has developed a breast-augmenting ringtone which has had oriental A-cups downloading like crazed breastless women in the hope of aurally-driven überjubblies.

Hideto Tomabechi - who apparently cut his scientific spurs deprogramming members of the AUM Shinrikyo doomsday cult - claims that his deliciously-titled "Rockmelon" ditty uses "sounds that make the brain and body move unconsciously". Tomabechio calls the subliminal mambooster a kind of "positive brainwashing" and further reckons that it's "a part of cognitive science".

Rather improbably, or should that be lamentably, Rockmelon enjoyed 10,000 downloads in its first week alone. One satisfied user said: "I listened to the tune for a week expecting all the time that I was being duped. But, incredibly, my 87-centimeter bust grew to 89 centimeters! It was awesome!" A spokesman for Media Chic - which punts the melody online - confirmed: "We haven't done any advertising for it, so I suppose the tune's success has come about through word of mouth. We've even received mail from one user who said they listened to the tune every night before going to sleep and it made her tits bigger."

That's proof enough for us. Tomabechi says he's planning further ringtones to help people quit smoking, combat baldness and attract a mate. Whether the latter category will include a suitably stirring penis-pumping anthem is not noted. ®

Bootnote

Hats of to Japan-based Reg reader Nick May for taking such a close interest in his female hosts' breasts.

Related stories

College girl's breasts in your hands
Woman gets tits out online for charity
Boffins grow breasts on mice

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

More from The Register

next story
WRISTJOB LOVE BONANZA: justWatch sex app promises blind date hookups
Mankind shuffles into the future, five fingers at a time
Every billionaire needs a PANZER TANK, right? STOP THERE, Paul Allen
Angry Microsoftie hauls auctioneers to court over stalled Pzkw. IV 'deal'
Apple's Mr Havisham: Tim Cook says dead Steve Jobs' office has remained untouched
'I literally think about him every day' says biz baron's old friend
Flaming drone batteries ground commercial flight before takeoff
Passenger had Something To Declare, instead fiddled while plane burned
Cops apologise for leaving EXPLOSIVES in suitcase at airport
'Canine training exercise' SNAFU sees woman take home booming baggage
Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us
Aye, shipmate, it be just like that Minority Report
prev story

Whitepapers

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk
A single remote control platform for user support is be key to providing an efficient helpdesk. Retain full control over the way in which screen and keystroke data is transmitted.
WIN a very cool portable ZX Spectrum
Win a one-off portable Spectrum built by legendary hardware hacker Ben Heck
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Security and trust: The backbone of doing business over the internet
Explores the current state of website security and the contributions Symantec is making to help organizations protect critical data and build trust with customers.