Feeds

Having kids makes you thick: official

Shocking tabloid revelations rock parents

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Intelligent flash storage arrays

Researchers at Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction have proved what most of us suspected all along - that having children makes you thick.

That, at least, is the shock claim published in today's edition of UK tabloid the Sun, which reports how the Indiana team "checked the IQs of couples who were planning to start families, then repeated the tests six months after their first child was born". Sensationally, it found the intelligence levels of both mums and dads "dropped significantly" and that "they particularly lost the power to think objectively".

Lead boffin Dr Hosung Lee concluded: “It explains why parents think their kid is the smartest in class or the best athlete, even if that child is as dumb as a box of rocks or needs a calendar to time a 100-yard sprint. People who before were intelligent and open-minded turn into raving lunatics who want to blame a teacher or sports coach every time their mediocre child fails.”

Dr Lee's delicious comments are bound to outrage loving parents who are convinced that they are still as clever as a sackful of Einsteins - despite having produced a litter of nippers - but they are requested to check out the Hoosier Gazette, the Kinsey Institute's website and fark.com's comments on the matter before venting their spleen via email.

Our conclusions? Well, having kids may or may not hit you in the grey matter department, but writing for the UK tabloids causes demonstrable enlargement of the gullibility gland, leading to complete collapse of research faculties. Nasty.

As for the Indiana University program, the Hoosier Gazette reports that "the Kinsey Institute will continue to test the couples participating in the study to determine if the loss of intelligence is reversible once children grow up and leave the nest and if parents who continue having children lose even more intelligence." ®

Related stories

Sheep pine for absent friends: official
Net porn good for you: official
Universe very big: official

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

More from The Register

next story
Criticism of Uber's journo-Data Analytics plan is an Attack on DIGITAL FREEDOM
First they came for Emil – and I'm damn well SPEAKING OUT
'It is comforting to know where your data centres are.' UK.GOV does NOT
Plus: Anons are 'wannabes', KKK says, before being pwned
Google's whois results say it's a lousy smut searcher
Run whois google.com or whois microsoft.com. We dare you, you PIG◙◙◙◙ER
Holy vintage vehicles! Earliest known official Batmobile goes on sale
Riddle me this: are you prepared to pay US$180k?
'Open source just means big companies can steal your code.' O RLY?
Plus: Flame of the Week returns, for one night only!
NEWSFLASH: It's time to ditch dullard Facebook chums
Everything hot in tech, courtesy of avian anchor Regina Eggbert
Hey, you, PHONE-FACE! Kickstarter in-car mobe mount will EMBED your phone into your MUG
Stick it on the steering wheel and wait for the airbag to fire
prev story

Whitepapers

Seattle children’s accelerates Citrix login times by 500% with cross-tier insight
Seattle Children’s is a leading research hospital with a large and growing Citrix XenDesktop deployment. See how they used ExtraHop to accelerate launch times.
Getting started with customer-focused identity management
Learn why identity is a fundamental requirement to digital growth, and how without it there is no way to identify and engage customers in a meaningful way.
Why CIOs should rethink endpoint data protection in the age of mobility
Assessing trends in data protection, specifically with respect to mobile devices, BYOD, and remote employees.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Website security in corporate America
Find out how you rank among other IT managers testing your website's vulnerabilities.