Having kids makes you thick: official

Shocking tabloid revelations rock parents

By Lester Haines • Get more from this author

Posted in Bootnotes, 8th September 2004 11:02 GMT

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Researchers at Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction have proved what most of us suspected all along - that having children makes you thick.

That, at least, is the shock claim published in today's edition of UK tabloid the Sun, which reports how the Indiana team "checked the IQs of couples who were planning to start families, then repeated the tests six months after their first child was born". Sensationally, it found the intelligence levels of both mums and dads "dropped significantly" and that "they particularly lost the power to think objectively".

Lead boffin Dr Hosung Lee concluded: “It explains why parents think their kid is the smartest in class or the best athlete, even if that child is as dumb as a box of rocks or needs a calendar to time a 100-yard sprint. People who before were intelligent and open-minded turn into raving lunatics who want to blame a teacher or sports coach every time their mediocre child fails.”

Dr Lee's delicious comments are bound to outrage loving parents who are convinced that they are still as clever as a sackful of Einsteins - despite having produced a litter of nippers - but they are requested to check out the Hoosier Gazette, the Kinsey Institute's website and fark.com's comments on the matter before venting their spleen via email.

Our conclusions? Well, having kids may or may not hit you in the grey matter department, but writing for the UK tabloids causes demonstrable enlargement of the gullibility gland, leading to complete collapse of research faculties. Nasty.

As for the Indiana University program, the Hoosier Gazette reports that "the Kinsey Institute will continue to test the couples participating in the study to determine if the loss of intelligence is reversible once children grow up and leave the nest and if parents who continue having children lose even more intelligence." ®