Feeds

God violates Intel trademark

Jesus inside

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Upgrade to a higher powerThose readers who already have the fastest, leanest, boy-racer chip in their PC but still feel the need to "upgrade to the highest power" might consider looking beyond the purely physical.

One UK church has rather cheekily swiped Intel's ubiquitous "intel inside" concept and turned it to the service of the Lord, as its poster campaign proves. Worshippers are invited to "upgrade this Sunday" at this Northern place of worship and experience for themselves what one Reg wag called "the new miracle processor".

Nicely done. Naturally, we are not going to name the church in question for fear that teams of writ-bearing lawyers descend on the hapless Children of God like a plague of locusts. That said, the prospect of a litigious Clash of Titans between the worlds spiritual and corporeal is a delicious one:

Plaintiff: Intel Corporation
Domicile: Santa Clara, California

Defendant: God
Domicile: Omnipresent

Claim: That said divine being did violate the trademark of the INTEL CORPORATION (hereafter referred to as the "plaintiff") in the promotion of an earthy place of worship in the name of his co-defendant JESUS CHRIST (hereafter referred to as the "Son of God") and did thereby undermine said trademark and its association with the promotion of high-quality silicon chips.

The plaintiff requests that the defendant cease and desist immediately and does - by way of compensation - smite with terrible vengeance the AMD CORPORATION, of Sunnyvale, California. ®

Bootnote

Top marks to El Reg supremo Linus "Fish Fingers" Birtles for spotting this upgrade opportunity and obtaining the necessary photographic evidence. We'll make a hack of him yet.

A heads-up too for all those readers who pointed us in the direction of t-shirt variations on this theme - including the snappy "satan inside" black number. It's clear we haven't spent much time recently window-shopping at Christian - or Satanist - e-commerce outlets.

Related stories

Miracle cures Berkeley man of Itanic wickedness
Analyst sees St.Fister in Itanic wafer
I am Centrino, son of Banias
Online church smites sinners
C of E seeks dynamic cybervicar

Top 5 reasons to deploy VMware with Tegile

More from The Register

next story
Swiss wildlife park serves up furry residents to visitors
'It's ecological' says spokesman, now how would you like your Bambi done?
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
Facebook's Zuckerberg in EBOLA VIRUS FIGHT: Billionaire battles bug
US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention contacted as site supremo coughs up
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
ePassport to Transnistria: NEXTIFYING the Nation State with BONG
Hey the Man, you can't geoblock distributed democracy
Red Bull does NOT give you wings, $13.5m lawsuit says so
Website letting consumers claim $10 cash back crashes after stampede
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Trolls have DARK TETRAD of personality defects, say trickcyclists
Think psychopathy and BDSM dungeons, not desktops
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Win a year’s supply of chocolate
There is no techie angle to this competition so we're not going to pretend there is, but everyone loves chocolate so who cares.
Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Saudi Petroleum chooses Tegile storage solution
A storage solution that addresses company growth and performance for business-critical applications of caseware archive and search along with other key operational systems.