Feeds

Home Office offers online help for thugs

Sorry, 'anti-social behaviour practitioners'

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

Those suffering the blight of teen ne'er-do-wells racing stolen cars around their housing estate while high on glue and rap music will doubtless welcome the UK Home Office's Together initiative.

Here's what it's all about:

At its very core TOGETHER puts the community first. TOGETHER is committed to listening to those voices in the community who have suffered from ASB [anti-social behaviour], to understanding their issues, to addressing their problems.

The site classifies anti-social behaviour as:

A variety of behaviour covering a whole complex of selfish and unacceptable activity that can blight the quality of community life. Other terms such as 'nuisance', 'neighbour disputes' and 'disorder' are also used to describe some of this behaviour. A legal definition of behaving in an anti-social manner is found in the Crime and Disorder Act 1998, this definition is used in relation to anti-social behaviour orders and further information on this can be found in the article below. Many agencies tackling anti-social behaviour have adopted this definition for more general purposes.

In short, it includes nicking motors, setting fire to your neighbours' bins, hurling racist abuse at ethnic minorities and all the other fun pastimes which make up the average day of the British thug.

Except they're not thugs. Nor are they "hooligans" or "yobs" or any other form of derogatory title. Nope, according to the Home Office, those who terrorise large swathes of inner-city Britain will henceforth be known as "anti-social behaviour practitioners". We can just imagine the scene:

Police officer: "Oi, get out of your neighbour's car and stop smoking that dope, you little sh*t."
Teen tearaway: "I ain't no little sh*t copper, cos the 'ome office says so. I'm an anti-social behaviour practitioner and me solicitor will have yer a*** for this slanderous outrage."
Police officer: "I do most sincerely apologise. Would you desist from your anti-social practices forthwith and accompany me to the nearest police station where counselling will be made immediately available?"
Teen tearaway: "Yeah, OK, as long as I get to drive."

We have been here before. Regular readers may remember the kerfuffle over the redesignation of speed cameras as "safety" cameras. That particular piece of Newspeak caused a few correspondents' heads to boil like kettles, so we reckon this ridiculous piece of linguistic flim-flammery will likewise hit the spot.

Bootnote

The usual heads-up to reader Alexander Livingstone, who spotted this nice example of 21st century lexicographical legerdemain.

Confession time

Ok - time to 'fess up: the phrase "anti-social behaviour practitioners" actually refers to those professionals dealing with anti-social behaviour, as the Home Office website makes clear. Just compare it to "medical practitioners" and it all makes sense. No wait, hold on a minute...

Related stories

When is a speed camera not a speed camera?
Gov.uk launches anti-fraud website
Home Office caned over immigration visa blunders
Iris scans at UK airports, says Home Office

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

More from The Register

next story
Criticism of Uber's journo-Data Analytics plan is an Attack on DIGITAL FREEDOM
First they came for Emil – and I'm damn well SPEAKING OUT
'It is comforting to know where your data centres are.' UK.GOV does NOT
Plus: Anons are 'wannabes', KKK says, before being pwned
Google's whois results say it's a lousy smut searcher
Run whois google.com or whois microsoft.com. We dare you, you PIG◙◙◙◙ER
Holy vintage vehicles! Earliest known official Batmobile goes on sale
Riddle me this: are you prepared to pay US$180k?
'Open source just means big companies can steal your code.' O RLY?
Plus: Flame of the Week returns, for one night only!
NEWSFLASH: It's time to ditch dullard Facebook chums
Everything hot in tech, courtesy of avian anchor Regina Eggbert
Hey, you, PHONE-FACE! Kickstarter in-car mobe mount will EMBED your phone into your MUG
Stick it on the steering wheel and wait for the airbag to fire
prev story

Whitepapers

10 ways wire data helps conquer IT complexity
IT teams can automatically detect problems across the IT environment, spot data theft, select unique pieces of transaction payloads to send to a data source, and more.
Getting started with customer-focused identity management
Learn why identity is a fundamental requirement to digital growth, and how without it there is no way to identify and engage customers in a meaningful way.
How to determine if cloud backup is right for your servers
Two key factors, technical feasibility and TCO economics, that backup and IT operations managers should consider when assessing cloud backup.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Mitigating web security risk with SSL certificates
Web-based systems are essential tools for running business processes and delivering services to customers.