We name new Dr Who intergalactic übervillain
Terrifying robotic entity unveiled
Exclusive We believe that we may have solved the mystery surrounding who will star as intergalactic übervillain in the forthcoming relaunch of Doctor Who.
In the absence of the Daleks - who dismally failed to reach terms with the BBC and have since been spotted terrorising New York - writer Russell T Davies promised viewers that the Corporation has "created a new enemy for the Doctor which will keep viewers on the edge of their seats".
Naturally, the ideal match for the gallivanting Time Lord would be a hideous half-man, half-machine hybrid with a penchant for travelling to strange, distant worlds and inflicting terrible punishment on the local inhabitants.
And, as if by magic, none other than prof Kev Warwick - aka Captain Cyborg - turned up this week in New Zealand to subjugate the population to his will with the usual outpouring of cybernetic hocus-pocus.
Regular readers can guess the rest - implant, blah, cyborg nodes, blah, man-machine interface, blah, blah. Nevertheless, we can only conclude that this antipodean jolly is nothing less than a dry run for Warwick's inevitable recruitment as Who's robotic nemesis. Reports that the first series of the new manifestation of the beloved Doc will be called "Genesis of the Cybercharlatans" are unconfirmed. The Daleks were unavailable for comment on Kevin Warwick at time of publication. ®
Cheers to all those many New Zealand readers who alerted us to the good Captain's invasion of their land. We understand that most have subsequently escaped with their lives.