Feeds

Data transfer without tears

Or cheese. Of any description

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

The Power of One Brief: Top reasons to choose HP BladeSystem

Stob Ms Stob claims that old comedy sketches, written in the pre-PC era, need to be ported to a safe, modern and familiar environment in order properly to be enjoyed by safe, modern and familiar IT staff. She offers this classic example…

—   Thanks for that, Peter. Excellent. An excellent meeting. I look forward to pushing forward with Coaster II. I think it could be really big for all of us.
—   Well, if we act now, before the opposition gets a sniff, I don't see how we can go wrong.
—   Indeed. It's as sure-fire as you could hope for these days, what with things the way they are. Just one thing. Do you think I could have a copy of that spreadsheet that you were making notes in?
—   Of course. How would you like it?
—   Tell you what. Let's get Wifi!
—   'Whiffy'?
—   Wifi. Eight-oh-two-eleven-be. Wireless networking, old boy. Will you admit to a hot spot of your own? Or must I war drive you, you secretive devil?
—   Best not, actually. They've put out a pan-European policy banning its use in all offices. Something about the FD in Paris getting caught transmitting pictures of les jeunes filles...
—   Really? Never mind. Time to unship my trusty length of UTP string. Always got my network jump lead handy. I'll just plug in my laptop over there...
—   Whoa there, chief. Not on, Richard old son, unless we get authority from so-called IT to get you put on the domain. Outsourced to You Know Who. Couldn't find their own backsides with all eight tentacles.
—   Surely it doesn't matter just for one spreadsheet. Couldn't you just share your directory and...
—   Well, in theory I could, but if I did I'd have to kill you, ha ha ha.
—   Ha, ha, ha. All right then. I'll wait until I get back to the shop. If you could just email the file to me?
—   Oooh, not such a good idea right now. Ever since that Bank Holiday virus, what was it called, Droopy? Snoopy? They've been stripping off attachments from all incoming and outgoing mail.
—   Bummer. How about a good old diskette? Can't go wrong with a floppy.
—   No can do, Squire. Not had any floppy drives on our machines since 1995.
—   This is getting to be a bit of a trial. PC-to-PC direct using PC Anywhere and a cable connecting the printer ports?
—   No.
—   Jaz drive?
—   No.
—   Telnet to host with a Kermit download?
—   No.
—   Infrared?
—   Yes!
—   Excellent. Where's your IR port? We'll need to get lined up. On the back of the PC I suppose...
—   Oh no, it's not on my PC. It's on my cell phone.
—   On your phone?
—   Yes.
—   Then how are you going to transmit the spreadsheet from the PC?
—   Well I'm not, obviously. But I thought you might want a copy of my Kelis polyphonic ringtone collection.
—   Corporate FTP server?
—   No.
—   Kazaa peer-to-peer file sharing?
—   What, with our firewall?
—   Zip drive?
—   No.
—   Could you burn me a CD-ROM?
—   Of course. Hold on. [Picks up phone.] Hi John? Yeah. When is the next slot for the burner? Ok, great. Thanks. [Replaces receiver.] Good news - I've booked us in on the PC with the CD-ROM burning drive in six weeks' time.
—   Six weeks?
—   Got lucky. John's a mate. Usually it's two months.
—   Optical 'Mo' drive?
—   No.
—   DAT tape drive?
—   No.
—   TFTP protocol?
—   No.
—   Shared public IMAP mail protocol folder?
—   No.
—   Bluetooth?
—   Actually, we do have support for that.
—   That would be on your phone, I suppose.
—   No, no. It's on a sort of dongle thing that you stick into the PC's USB port. It's dead handy for transferring little files to laptops.
—   Why - that's exactly what we want to do!
—   Yes.
—   And I suppose there is a six-week waiting time to use the gizmo, is there?
—   No, no. I have it here. Look, I can plug it in if you like.
—   So what's the catch?
—   There's no catch - except...
—   ...except?
—   Except we'll need to go through that very straightforward and well understood Bluetooth device pairing procedure before you can transfer anything. I'm assured it's very easy.
—   Colorado tape drive?
—   No.
—   RS232-C connection using null modem cable and the excellent HyperTerminal program supplied free with all versions of Windows since Windows '95?
—   No.
—   Double memory synchronisation using a palmtop device as an intermediate store?
—   No.
—   Removable caddy-type hard drive?
—   No.
—   Stunningly expensive ISDN link as popularised by print shops using Macs?
—   No.
—   Unencoded and printed out as a very long Code 39 barcode?
—   No.
—   Bernoulli (properly pronounced 'Bernooey') drive?
—   No.
—   Obsolete eight-inch floppy disk drive, as popularised by the enjoyable but unlikely 1983 flick WarGames?
—   No.
—   Tell you what; do you have one of those memory sticks? You know, the ones that go into USB ports.
—   I know a song about that.
—   You what?
—   [Sings:]
From the laptops of Japan
To the servers of Kazakhstan;
On every node of every LAN,
On every disk the backup ran:

Hit me with your memory stick.
Hit me! Hit me!
Hit me with your memory stick.
Hit me! Hit me! Hit me!
—   So you haven't got one of those memory sticks?
—   No.
[Pause]
—   Richard?
—   Yes, Peter?
—   During the meeting... I wasn't making notes in a spreadsheet at all. I was just pretending to.
—   Yes, Peter.
—   I was actually playing Solitaire.
—   Yes, Peter, I'd guessed that.
—   I'm afraid I've been a bit of a silly Billy, haven't I?
—   Yes, Peter, I'm afraid you have.
—   Is it all right?
—   Yes. It's quite all right, old chap.

Still none the wiser?

Click here for enlightenment.

The smart choice: opportunity from uncertainty

More from The Register

next story
NSA man: 'Tell me about your Turkish connections'
Spooks ask Dabbsy to suggest a nice hotel with pool
Russia sends SEX-CRAZED GECKOS to SPAAAAACE!
In space... no one can hear you're green...
Carlos: Slim your working week to just three days of toil
'Midas World' vision suggests you retire later, watch more tellie and buy more stuff
Yahoo! Japan! launches! service! for! the! dead!
If you're reading this email, I am no longer alive
Plucky Rockall podule man back on (proper) dry land
Bold, barmy Brit adventurer Nick Hancock escapes North Atlantic islet
Motorist 'thought car had caught fire' as Adele track came on stereo
'FIRE' caption on dashboard prompts dunderheaded hard shoulder halt
prev story

Whitepapers

Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
Application security programs and practises
Follow a few strategies and your organization can gain the full benefits of open source and the cloud without compromising the security of your applications.
How modern custom applications can spur business growth
Learn how to create, deploy and manage custom applications without consuming or expanding the need for scarce, expensive IT resources.
Securing Web Applications Made Simple and Scalable
Learn how automated security testing can provide a simple and scalable way to protect your web applications.