Data transfer without tears

Or cheese. Of any description

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

Stob Ms Stob claims that old comedy sketches, written in the pre-PC era, need to be ported to a safe, modern and familiar environment in order properly to be enjoyed by safe, modern and familiar IT staff. She offers this classic example…

—   Thanks for that, Peter. Excellent. An excellent meeting. I look forward to pushing forward with Coaster II. I think it could be really big for all of us.
—   Well, if we act now, before the opposition gets a sniff, I don't see how we can go wrong.
—   Indeed. It's as sure-fire as you could hope for these days, what with things the way they are. Just one thing. Do you think I could have a copy of that spreadsheet that you were making notes in?
—   Of course. How would you like it?
—   Tell you what. Let's get Wifi!
—   'Whiffy'?
—   Wifi. Eight-oh-two-eleven-be. Wireless networking, old boy. Will you admit to a hot spot of your own? Or must I war drive you, you secretive devil?
—   Best not, actually. They've put out a pan-European policy banning its use in all offices. Something about the FD in Paris getting caught transmitting pictures of les jeunes filles...
—   Really? Never mind. Time to unship my trusty length of UTP string. Always got my network jump lead handy. I'll just plug in my laptop over there...
—   Whoa there, chief. Not on, Richard old son, unless we get authority from so-called IT to get you put on the domain. Outsourced to You Know Who. Couldn't find their own backsides with all eight tentacles.
—   Surely it doesn't matter just for one spreadsheet. Couldn't you just share your directory and...
—   Well, in theory I could, but if I did I'd have to kill you, ha ha ha.
—   Ha, ha, ha. All right then. I'll wait until I get back to the shop. If you could just email the file to me?
—   Oooh, not such a good idea right now. Ever since that Bank Holiday virus, what was it called, Droopy? Snoopy? They've been stripping off attachments from all incoming and outgoing mail.
—   Bummer. How about a good old diskette? Can't go wrong with a floppy.
—   No can do, Squire. Not had any floppy drives on our machines since 1995.
—   This is getting to be a bit of a trial. PC-to-PC direct using PC Anywhere and a cable connecting the printer ports?
—   No.
—   Jaz drive?
—   No.
—   Telnet to host with a Kermit download?
—   No.
—   Infrared?
—   Yes!
—   Excellent. Where's your IR port? We'll need to get lined up. On the back of the PC I suppose...
—   Oh no, it's not on my PC. It's on my cell phone.
—   On your phone?
—   Yes.
—   Then how are you going to transmit the spreadsheet from the PC?
—   Well I'm not, obviously. But I thought you might want a copy of my Kelis polyphonic ringtone collection.
—   Corporate FTP server?
—   No.
—   Kazaa peer-to-peer file sharing?
—   What, with our firewall?
—   Zip drive?
—   No.
—   Could you burn me a CD-ROM?
—   Of course. Hold on. [Picks up phone.] Hi John? Yeah. When is the next slot for the burner? Ok, great. Thanks. [Replaces receiver.] Good news - I've booked us in on the PC with the CD-ROM burning drive in six weeks' time.
—   Six weeks?
—   Got lucky. John's a mate. Usually it's two months.
—   Optical 'Mo' drive?
—   No.
—   DAT tape drive?
—   No.
—   TFTP protocol?
—   No.
—   Shared public IMAP mail protocol folder?
—   No.
—   Bluetooth?
—   Actually, we do have support for that.
—   That would be on your phone, I suppose.
—   No, no. It's on a sort of dongle thing that you stick into the PC's USB port. It's dead handy for transferring little files to laptops.
—   Why - that's exactly what we want to do!
—   Yes.
—   And I suppose there is a six-week waiting time to use the gizmo, is there?
—   No, no. I have it here. Look, I can plug it in if you like.
—   So what's the catch?
—   There's no catch - except...
—   ...except?
—   Except we'll need to go through that very straightforward and well understood Bluetooth device pairing procedure before you can transfer anything. I'm assured it's very easy.
—   Colorado tape drive?
—   No.
—   RS232-C connection using null modem cable and the excellent HyperTerminal program supplied free with all versions of Windows since Windows '95?
—   No.
—   Double memory synchronisation using a palmtop device as an intermediate store?
—   No.
—   Removable caddy-type hard drive?
—   No.
—   Stunningly expensive ISDN link as popularised by print shops using Macs?
—   No.
—   Unencoded and printed out as a very long Code 39 barcode?
—   No.
—   Bernoulli (properly pronounced 'Bernooey') drive?
—   No.
—   Obsolete eight-inch floppy disk drive, as popularised by the enjoyable but unlikely 1983 flick WarGames?
—   No.
—   Tell you what; do you have one of those memory sticks? You know, the ones that go into USB ports.
—   I know a song about that.
—   You what?
—   [Sings:]
From the laptops of Japan
To the servers of Kazakhstan;
On every node of every LAN,
On every disk the backup ran:

Hit me with your memory stick.
Hit me! Hit me!
Hit me with your memory stick.
Hit me! Hit me! Hit me!
—   So you haven't got one of those memory sticks?
—   No.
—   Richard?
—   Yes, Peter?
—   During the meeting... I wasn't making notes in a spreadsheet at all. I was just pretending to.
—   Yes, Peter.
—   I was actually playing Solitaire.
—   Yes, Peter, I'd guessed that.
—   I'm afraid I've been a bit of a silly Billy, haven't I?
—   Yes, Peter, I'm afraid you have.
—   Is it all right?
—   Yes. It's quite all right, old chap.

Still none the wiser?

Click here for enlightenment.

Security for virtualized datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Facebook's Zuckerberg in EBOLA VIRUS FIGHT: Billionaire battles bug
US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention contacted as site supremo coughs up
Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future
We feel obliged to point out the headline statement is total, utter cobblers
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
Swiss wildlife park serves up furry residents to visitors
'It's ecological' says spokesman, now how would you like your Bambi done?
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants
Baaaaaa! Fanny's Farm's woolly flock is high, maaaaaan
FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers
Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
Red Bull does NOT give you wings, $13.5m lawsuit says so
Website letting consumers claim $10 cash back crashes after stampede
prev story


Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Cloud and hybrid-cloud data protection for VMware
Learn how quick and easy it is to configure backups and perform restores for VMware environments.
Three 1TB solid state scorchers up for grabs
Big SSDs can be expensive but think big and think free because you could be the lucky winner of one of three 1TB Samsung SSD 840 EVO drives that we’re giving away worth over £300 apiece.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.