Feeds

Killer cyberloo kidnaps kiddie

Plymouth lad shaken by terror ordeal

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

The smart choice: opportunity from uncertainty

Agent of the lizard people and manufacturer by appointment to the robotic uprising JC DeCaux says it has no idea why one of its public "superloos" decided to kidnap a ten-year-old boy in Plymouth's Central Park on Saturday.

The shaken lad had to be freed by the fire brigade after a passer by heard his desperate cries for help from inside the malevolent cyberconvenience.

Details are sketchy, but it appears that the door "failed to operate", as JC DeCaux nicely put it. The firm warned: "Children aged 10 or under should not use the kiosks unaccompanied as they are weight sensitive."

Exactly. As soon as the devilish digidunny detects a body under 50kg, it knows it has attracted easy prey. Readers are invited to immediately run into the streets with flaming torches and pitchforks and storm the nearest shifty-looking public convenience with cries of "Kill the monster!" ®

The Rise of the Machines

A robot in every home by 2010
Fire-breathing buses threaten London
Cyberappliances attack Italian village
Spanish cyberkiosks claim second victim
Cyberkiosk assaults Spanish teenager
Cyberloo blast rocks Stoke-on-Trent
Hi-tech toilet swallows woman

Bootnote

Thanks to the vigilant Nick J for alerting us to this new threat

The Power of One Infographic

More from The Register

next story
World Solar Challenge contender claims new speed record
One charge sees Sunswift travel 500kms at over 100 km/h
SMELL YOU LATER, LOSERS – Dumbo tells rats, dogs... humans
Junk in the trunk? That's what people have
The Sun took a day off last week and made NO sunspots
Someone needs to get that lazy star cooking again before things get cold around here
Boffins discuss AI space program at hush-hush IARPA confab
IBM, MIT, plenty of others invited to fill Uncle Sam's spy toolchest, but where's Google?
Beancounters tell NASA it's too poor to fly planned mega-rocket
Space Launch System would need another $400m and a lot of time
Jurassic squawk: Dinos were Earth's early FEATHERED friends
Boffins research: Ancient dinos may all have had 'potential' fluff
Bad back? Show some spine and stop popping paracetamol
Study finds common pain-killer doesn't reduce pain or shorten recovery
prev story

Whitepapers

Top three mobile application threats
Prevent sensitive data leakage over insecure channels or stolen mobile devices.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.
Designing a Defense for Mobile Applications
Learn about the various considerations for defending mobile applications - from the application architecture itself to the myriad testing technologies.
Build a business case: developing custom apps
Learn how to maximize the value of custom applications by accelerating and simplifying their development.