Feeds

Fire-breathing buses threaten London

Screaming commuters flee Godzilla-style carnage

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

Updated We're beginning to suspect that London mayor "Red Ken" Livingstone may be nothing more than an agent for the killer cyberloos and murderous domestic appliances which threaten the very existence of humanity.

What other explanation is there for three recent incidents in which London bendy buses spontaneously combusted, forcing screaming commuters to flee for their lives?

Of course, some Londoners may assert that this is the normal method of egress from all forms of public transport in the capital. A fair point - anyone who has ever travelled more than three stops on the Northern Line will more than likely have run hysterical from the station in search of the nearest pub.

But make no mistake, this is something far, far more sinister.

In the last few weeks, three Citaro bendy buses - articulated single-deckers championed by Livingstone and built by Mercedes subsidiary Evo Bus - have caught fire without apparent reason. The first two incidents were at Edgware Road and Camberwell. The third targeted exclusive Park Lane on Saturday. Mercifully, there have been no casualties, so far.

Transport for London has, as the authority charged with quelling this omnibuscular uprising, said it will fit fire-suppression equipment on the buses and that they will be checked before leaving the depot.

This is woefully inadequate - the authorities in Canneto di Caronia, Sicily, cut off the mains electricity supply to the village when domestic appliances began to catch fire. Despite this, the carnage continued until the residents legged it en masse.

We suggest, nay demand, an immediate return to the beloved, benevolent and - most importantly - low-tech Routemaster double-decker on all London routes before the city's population is reduced to clambering to work over the smouldering remains of its transport infrastructure. ®

Update

Terrifyingly, it may already be too late to stop London's public transport from razing the capital to the ground, as this recent BBC update to the bendy bus combustion story notes: "At about 0645 GMT on Wednesday a number 19 Routemaster bus caught fire on St John's Road in Angel, north London. No-one was injured."

Be afraid...

The Rise of the Machines

Cyberappliances attack Italian village
Spanish cyberkiosks claim second victim
Cyberkiosk assaults Spanish teenager
Cyberloo blast rocks Stoke-on-Trent
Hi-tech toilet swallows woman

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

More from The Register

next story
GRAV WAVE DRAMA: 'Big Bang echo' may have been grit on the scanner – boffins
Exit Planet Dust on faster-than-light expansion of universe
Mine Bitcoins with PENCIL and PAPER
Forget Sudoku, crunch SHA-256 algos
SpaceX Dragon cargo truck flies 3D printer to ISS: Clawdown in 3, 2...
Craft berths at space station with supplies, experiments, toys
'This BITE MARK is a SMOKING GUN': Boffins probe ancient assault
Tooth embedded in thigh bone may tell who pulled the trigger
DOLPHINS SMELL MAGNETS – did we hear that right, boffins?
Xavier's School for Gifted Magnetotaceans
Big dinosaur wowed females with its ENORMOUS HOOTER
That's right, Doris, I've got biggest snout in the prehistoric world
Japanese volcano eruption reportedly leaves 31 people presumed dead
Hopes fade of finding survivors on Mount Ontake
That glass of water you just drank? It was OLDER than the SUN
One MEELLION years older. Some of it anyway
Canberra drone team dances a samba in Outback Challenge
CSIRO's 'missing bushwalker' found and watered
NASA rover Curiosity drills HOLE in MARS 'GOLF COURSE'
Joins 'traffic light' and perfect stony sphere on the Red Planet
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.
The next step in data security
With recent increased privacy concerns and computers becoming more powerful, the chance of hackers being able to crack smaller-sized RSA keys increases.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.