Feeds

Fire-breathing buses threaten London

Screaming commuters flee Godzilla-style carnage

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Bridging the IT gap between rising business demands and ageing tools

Updated We're beginning to suspect that London mayor "Red Ken" Livingstone may be nothing more than an agent for the killer cyberloos and murderous domestic appliances which threaten the very existence of humanity.

What other explanation is there for three recent incidents in which London bendy buses spontaneously combusted, forcing screaming commuters to flee for their lives?

Of course, some Londoners may assert that this is the normal method of egress from all forms of public transport in the capital. A fair point - anyone who has ever travelled more than three stops on the Northern Line will more than likely have run hysterical from the station in search of the nearest pub.

But make no mistake, this is something far, far more sinister.

In the last few weeks, three Citaro bendy buses - articulated single-deckers championed by Livingstone and built by Mercedes subsidiary Evo Bus - have caught fire without apparent reason. The first two incidents were at Edgware Road and Camberwell. The third targeted exclusive Park Lane on Saturday. Mercifully, there have been no casualties, so far.

Transport for London has, as the authority charged with quelling this omnibuscular uprising, said it will fit fire-suppression equipment on the buses and that they will be checked before leaving the depot.

This is woefully inadequate - the authorities in Canneto di Caronia, Sicily, cut off the mains electricity supply to the village when domestic appliances began to catch fire. Despite this, the carnage continued until the residents legged it en masse.

We suggest, nay demand, an immediate return to the beloved, benevolent and - most importantly - low-tech Routemaster double-decker on all London routes before the city's population is reduced to clambering to work over the smouldering remains of its transport infrastructure. ®

Update

Terrifyingly, it may already be too late to stop London's public transport from razing the capital to the ground, as this recent BBC update to the bendy bus combustion story notes: "At about 0645 GMT on Wednesday a number 19 Routemaster bus caught fire on St John's Road in Angel, north London. No-one was injured."

Be afraid...

The Rise of the Machines

Cyberappliances attack Italian village
Spanish cyberkiosks claim second victim
Cyberkiosk assaults Spanish teenager
Cyberloo blast rocks Stoke-on-Trent
Hi-tech toilet swallows woman

Mobile application security vulnerability report

More from The Register

next story
Malaysian Airlines flight MH17 claimed lives of HIV/AIDS cure scientists
Researchers, advocates, health workers among those on shot-down plane
Mwa-ha-ha-ha! Eccentric billionaire Musk gets his PRIVATE SPACEPORT
In the Lone Star State, perhaps appropriately enough
The Sun took a day off last week and made NO sunspots
Someone needs to get that lazy star cooking again before things get cold around here
All those new '5G standards'? Here's the science they rely on
Radio professor tells us how wireless will get faster in the real world
Diary note: Pluto's close-up is a year from … now!
New Horizons is less than a year from the dwarf planet
Boffins discuss AI space program at hush-hush IARPA confab
IBM, MIT, plenty of others invited to fill Uncle Sam's spy toolchest, but where's Google?
prev story

Whitepapers

Designing a Defense for Mobile Applications
Learn about the various considerations for defending mobile applications - from the application architecture itself to the myriad testing technologies.
How modern custom applications can spur business growth
Learn how to create, deploy and manage custom applications without consuming or expanding the need for scarce, expensive IT resources.
Reducing security risks from open source software
Follow a few strategies and your organization can gain the full benefits of open source and the cloud without compromising the security of your applications.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.
Consolidation: the foundation for IT and business transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.