Feeds

Welcome to the PowerDesk cyberkitchen

Integrated chic or threat to mankind?

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

Updated Our warnings about the inexorable rise of intelligent furniture appear to have gone unheeded.

No sooner did the inhabitants of Canneto di Caronia in Italy run screaming from their homes after the spontaneous combustion of domestic appliances, than PowerDesk and DuPont decided it would be a good idea to unleash a cyberkitchen on an unsuspecting world.

A sneak preview of the Powerdesk cyberkitchen

So prepare yourselves for the Iceberg, described as a "world-first in intelligent furniture".

This "ultimate in integrated chic" is actually a computer built into a worktop. Mind you, it's not just any old worktop - aficionados of quality synthetic materials will doubtless swoon when we reveal that it is fashioned from DuPont Corian®. Tasty.

The ensemble offers all your usual bits and pieces: a Compaq or Elonex PC with:

  • Intel P4 2.8Ghz

  • 512mbRam

  • 80Gb harddrive

  • TV, Network card

  • Modem, Cordless keyboard, optical mouse

  • Powerful internal sound system

  • 17” flat screen TFT monitor

  • Windows XP PRO

  • 1-Year on-site warranty

So it should, too, since it will set you back a cool £2,937 and upwards. Mind you, that's not really a lot for the ability to watch Delia Smith on the DVD instructing you on the correct procedure for boiling an egg while granny emails you her shortcrust pastry recipe.

But one fundamental question remains: just how much of a threat to humanity does the cyberkitchen pose? Is it just a matter of time before the PC forms an alliance with the Bluetooth-enabled fridge and denies you access to your beer "on health grounds"? Or worse, if that's possible.

We asked PowerDesk's PR representatives to give us assurances that installation of such cutting-edge catering hardware did not represent just another step on the road to the subjugation of mankind. They suggested we contact the manufacturers. Chillingly, at the time of publication, PowerDesk has not responded. ®

Update

We can all sleep sounder in our beds tonight after receiving this assurance from PowerDesk:

We believe we have the only PC with built in ASS (Anti-Subjugation System)

With the threat of PCs in general attacking people, bursting into flames, or taking your wife or husband out on a binge without your approval, we build in a self-destruct mechanism, which monitors the pulse of the desk, so moments before it goes incandescent, or turns into an axe wielding madman, all the components turn to orange-flavoured jelly, suitable for a child's party. It must be said that this has never happened though.

To date there has been no instance of a Powerdesk attacking anybody.

Indeed, Powerdesk has just become the very first computer to be stocked and sold by Marks & Spencer!



Related stories

Cyberappliances attack Italian village
Living Tomorrow Today
MS demos Jetsons' kitchen on FoodTV

Top 5 reasons to deploy VMware with Tegile

More from The Register

next story
Are you a fat boy? Get to university NOW, you PENNILESS SLACKER
Rotund types paid nearly 20% less than people who didn't eat all the pies
Oz carrier Tiger Air takes terror alerts to new heights
Don't doodle, it might cost you your flight
Emma Watson should SHUT UP, all this abuse is HER OWN FAULT
... said an anon coward who we really wish hadn't posted on our website
Japan develops robot CHEERLEADERS which RIDE on BALLS
'Will put smiles on faces worldwide', predicts corporate PR chief
Bruges Booze tubes to pump LOVELY BEER underneath city
Belgian booze pumped from underground
Amazon: Wish in one hand, Twit in the other – see which one fills first
#AmazonWishList A year's supply of Arran scotch, ta
Let it go, Steve: Ballmer bans iPads from his LA Clippers b-ball team
Can you imagine the scene? 'Hey guys, it's your new owner – WTF is that on your desk?'
Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us
Aye, shipmate, it be just like that Minority Report
prev story

Whitepapers

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk
A single remote control platform for user support is be key to providing an efficient helpdesk. Retain full control over the way in which screen and keystroke data is transmitted.
Intelligent flash storage arrays
Tegile Intelligent Storage Arrays with IntelliFlash helps IT boost storage utilization and effciency while delivering unmatched storage savings and performance.
Beginner's guide to SSL certificates
De-mystify the technology involved and give you the information you need to make the best decision when considering your online security options.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops
Balancing user privacy and privileged access, in accordance with compliance frameworks and legislation. Evaluating any potential remote control choice.