Stob: McDosh hires Titbits
Softwron primes its legal seagull
Stob Stob Dateline: Two hours 37 minutes ago. US software and litigation giant Softwron Inc, has upped the stakes in the battle of its patented 'Wron number, recently stolen and released onto the 'Net.
Before a packed press conference of cynical reporters who giggled and took bets on how many times he would say "going forward", much hated Softwron chief Rock McDosh announced that it was hiring legal legend Liam Titbits to press the corporation's case.
"Softwron is a little fluffy kitten in a world full of washing machines," McDosh remarked ludicrously.
"There are many, bad people out there who thoughtlessly leave open the doors of their machines when not in use. Mr Titbits's job, going forward," - ironic cheer - "is to make sure those doors are kept closed. Using the full weight of our legal system, we will pursue miscreant washing machine owners ruthlessly until we bring them to justice, bankruptcy, suicide or all three if applicable."
Liam Titbits, 40, is widely feared throughout the legal world for his shameless use of pun and similar linguistic tics. Prosecuting in the 2001 case of Jelicious Java vs. The People, in which a distributor of beverages was found guilty of selling product contaminated with the tuberculosis bacterium, Titbits notoriously summed up by saying "It was the coffee that made them coughy".
Titbits was upbeat about his prospects with Softwron, following the recent successful conclusion of his class action against Scaly Pets Inc.
"The tortoise tort has taught us a whole bunch of stuff," he remarked, shouting to make himself heard above jeers and groans from the press gallery.
Wordplay is a low form of humour resorted to in desperation by those who should know better. It is only really successful is in the skilful hands of top Britbard William Shakespeare, notably in this famous couplet from Julius Caesar:
CAESAR: Doth not Brutus bootless kneel? Infamy! Infamy! They've all got it in for me! [Dies.
Although we should also acknowledge the work of the Marx Bros in this area, before the Marxists depart in a huff. Altogether now. ®
Softwron number stolen
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