Feeds

Close Encounter yours for $1.3m

Interdimensional eBay madness

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Boost IT visibility and business value

Blimey they don't half sell some old rubbish on eBay, eh? The latest extraordinary item to come to our attention is a close encounter video apparently shot in 1998 by someone called "Sargel18".

Of course, there's plenty of this sort of nonsense going down on the world's favourite auction site, but the blurb accompanying this particular must-have offer is worth a shufti. Here's the intro:

A BRIEF BIO ON SARGEL18: In 1988 a man walked down into his basement in his home in Ringwood NJ and sees hundreds of black Salamanders lining its walls and floor. At this exact moment, he remembers that while living in Wanaque NJ in 1964 he was invited aboard a UFO. After recalling this powerful experience, his life begins to fall apart and within months he finds himself at the door of a powerful witch in search of the meaning of his experiences. As the door opened, the words spoken to him would set him on the path of becoming one of the most successful metaphysical researchers to come about in our known memory.

"I've been waiting for you for 15 years. Now come inside it's time to start your teachings".


And so it goes twittering on for what seems like hours. What is actually for sale, though, is "history making, 1998 video footage of a meeting with an interdimensional Alien ('contact' by Sargel18) in the deep woods of Wanaque, NJ.".



Good Lord. And here, for the record, is what such an encounter (with suitable digital enhancements) looks like:

That close encounter in full

Please do not ask us what on earth a "preSumer Naggas" is and why it should want to appear in a puff of smoke in New Jersey. The vendor's insane ravings do not throw any light on the matter.

Still, if you'd like to examine the footage in further detail, it's yours for a cool $1.3m. And don't think about sending Mr 18 sarky emails, either. This bloke is deadly serious:

First, let's get this out of the way. Harassing and or menacing emails will be forwarded to the proper authorities. Also, please do not send me any letters, which contain attachments, as they will all, be deleted immediately, without viewing.

Let me also remind you that placing a winning bid on eBay constitutes a legally binding contract. Any false bids will be dealt with by eBay standards and also my lawyer will be contacted. Consider the above, fair warning as this is a legal auction.


Better play it safe and just visit Sargel18's

website

instead. It's heralded as "THE ONGOING RESEARCH OF AN ALCHEMICAL METAPHYSICIAN AT AN ANCIENT NEW JERSEY VORTEX", and complete with the following warning:



The pictures and information contained hereon can be very unsettling for some peoples realities. Our observation's show that over 7 out of 10 people when viewing certain pictures that relate directly to their belief systems have a tendency to shut down the reasoning part of the brain and show signs of nervous tension. We believe that this directly relates to reality programming that has been instilled in our race since its conception. "By whom", is the ultimate question that needs an answer. Please proceed with caution.

Readers will have to find out for themselves what shocking truths lie beyond this web portal, because there's no way on God's earth this particular hack is going to risk complete mental collapse by coming face-to-face with the intergalactic terror which is the preSumer Naggas. Don't say we didn't warn you. ®

Bootnote

Thanks to Mark Andrews for tracking down this insanity.

Boost IT visibility and business value

More from The Register

next story
MEN WANTED to satisfy town full of yearning BRAZILIAN HOTNESS
'Prettier, better organised, more harmonious than if men were in charge'
Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD
'Officers were unable to determine Chicken's intent'
Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?
Local UK gov outs most ridiculous FoI requests...
Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!
Put it away boys. Cover them up ladies. Your credit cards, we mean
Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people
They're a future source of RENEWABLE ENERGY
Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'
US court hears of cached browser image - not actual request
Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty
Sales of traditional brekkie foods soar as hungry folk get their mitts greasy
prev story

Whitepapers

Best practices for enterprise data
Discussing how technology providers have innovated in order to solve new challenges, creating a new framework for enterprise data.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Advanced data protection for your virtualized environments
Find a natural fit for optimizing protection for the often resource-constrained data protection process found in virtual environments.
How modern custom applications can spur business growth
Learn how to create, deploy and manage custom applications without consuming or expanding the need for scarce, expensive IT resources.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?