Feeds

Cyberappliances attack Italian village

Residents flee killer robofridges in terror

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

The small village of Canneto di Caronia in Sicily has become the front line in the war of annihilation between humanity and Terminator-style roboappliances.

For three weeks terrified residents have battled for their very survival against spontaneously-combusting TVs, fridges and cookers which have damaged twelve houses and provoked a full-scale evacuation of the hamlet.

Mobile phones have mysteriously burst into flames, and even furniture - not previously noted for malevolent intent, except in the form of particluarly vicious sofabed mechanisms - has joined the struggle to purge mankind from the face of the planet.

Experts are baffled, particularly so since the fires continue unabated even when the power is disconnected.

The shaken mayor of Canneto di Caronia, Pedro Spinnato, says: "This all began three weeks ago and we can discover no explanation. We cannot risk a tragedy through these fires so I have no other option to evacuate.

"We have had engineers in to examine cables and wires but they can find nothing wrong. Twelve houses have been severely damaged after various domestic appliances burst into flames."

Civil protection chief Tullio Martella adds: "What is going on here is like a scene from some paranormal film. The fires continued even when we cut power to the village to see if that was a possible cause For the time being there is no scientific explanation and I have never heard of anything like this before."

That's because Martella has never been to Newcastle-upon-Tyne or Madrid where locals are fully aware of what's behind this kind of technological uprising.

And while the former residents of Canneto di Caronia are calling for an exorcism to purge their homes of evil, we at Vulture Central know there is only one real solution which can contain murderous robofridges and self-immolating kitchen furniture - stealth aircraft bearing nukes, and plenty of 'em. ®

Related stories

Hi-tech toilet swallows woman
Cyberkiosk assaults Spanish teenager
Cyberloo blast rocks Stoke-on-Trent

Bootnote

Good work by reader Michael Bailey who spotted this one. Stay vigilant.

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

More from The Register

next story
MARS NEEDS WOMEN, claims NASA pseudo 'naut: They eat less
'Some might find this idea offensive' boffin admits
LOHAN crash lands on CNN
Overflies Die Welt en route to lively US news vid
Experts brand LOHAN's squeaky-clean box
Phytosanitary treatment renders Vulture 2 crate fit for export
No sail: NASA spikes Sunjammer
'Solar sail' demonstrator project binned
America's super-secret X-37B plane returns to Earth after nearly TWO YEARS aloft
674 days in space for US Air Force's mystery orbital vehicle
Carry On Cosmonaut: Willful Child is a poor taste Star Trek parody
Cringeworthy, crude and crass jokes abound in Steven Erikson’s sci-fi debut
Origins of SEXUAL INTERCOURSE fished out of SCOTTISH LAKE
Fossil find proves it first happened 385 million years ago
Human spacecraft dodge COMET CHUNKS pelting off Mars
Odyssey orbiter yet to report, though - comet's trailing trash poses new threat
You can crunch it all you like, but the answer is NOT always in the data
Hear that, 'data journalists'? Our analytics prof holds forth
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Why and how to choose the right cloud vendor
The benefits of cloud-based storage in your processes. Eliminate onsite, disk-based backup and archiving in favor of cloud-based data protection.
Three 1TB solid state scorchers up for grabs
Big SSDs can be expensive but think big and think free because you could be the lucky winner of one of three 1TB Samsung SSD 840 EVO drives that we’re giving away worth over £300 apiece.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.